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Comment count is 29
The Mothership - 2013-03-26

This is one of my favorite parts. There is no way a child laborer could build muscle in this way, as a child slave would have no time for sleep and no high protein food to eat. Bodybuilding requires a great deal of high protein food, a great deal of rest, and surprisingly little actual weight lifting. *takes muscular beard off*.

PlusDome - 2013-03-26


Binro the Heretic - 2013-03-26

And absorbed their souls! That's how he grew so quickly.

You think a lot of time passed? IT WAS ONLY ONE YEAR!!!

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-03-26

Its an interesting point. But this movie also had a guy turn into a snake.

memedumpster - 2013-03-26

He obviously ate the body of his god, like is religiously traditional. Otherwise why worship something called "Crumb?"

Gmork - 2013-03-26

jesus, meme. stop sucking at knowing things

FABIO - 2013-03-26

It sure was nice for those slave masters to feed him 3000 calories of nutritious protein a day.

Just another example of child labor opening up opportunities for true boot strap go getterism.

Mister Yuck - 2013-03-26

I don't care what you idiots think, this scene and this movie are masterpieces. It's right up there with RoboCop for pulpy goodness.

EvilHomer - 2013-03-26

Agreed. People get so worked up over the practical issues raised by this scene, that they forget it's a masterpiece of allegorical storytelling.

Conan is one of the greatest films of the 20th century. Hipsters and old-man film critics tend to overlook it, because it doesn't conform to the well-choreographed standards of artistic pretense that upperclass society has deemed worthy of praise, but who cares what they think?

Let's see Citizen Kane try and swing a broadsword. Conan would chop that twigboy in half!

Bort - 2013-03-26

This may be the only time anyone ever called Orson Welles a "twigboy".

(You should see "Citizen Kane", you might like it. While much of what it introduced, cinematography-wise, is old hat now, it still holds up as a study of a man who slowly let his good intentions be corrupted. A case could be made that his intentions weren't all that good in the first place, but I'll let you decide.)

EvilHomer - 2013-03-26

You know, I believe Citizen Kane and Conan tell much the same story, only from different existential perspectives. The films follow two very similar men whose lives take very similar paths, paths which ultimately diverge, due to differences in their respective hero's disposition and strength of will.

In Citizen Kane, the hero loses his childhood. After many years of hardship, he becomes a Great Man, but his victory leaves him hollow and miserable, and he cries a lot.

In Conan, the hero loses his childhood. After many years of hardship, he too becomes a Great Man. Only Conan doesn't cry. Instead he flips off his God, bangs a bunch of chicks, and decapitates Darth Vader.

Citizen Kane, for all it's groundbreaking cinematography and timeless insight into the human condition, is ultimately a product of 20th century defeatism, self-doubt, and failure. It's a dark, dismal little thing, lost forever in the cold waters of it's own lethean bog. But Conan? Conan presents us with a much more positive message, a message of perseverance, self-knowledge, and the Socratic exploration of human potential. Conan lifts his eyes to the Heavens and, with his broad, muscley arms, all slick with sweat, breaks free the chains which bind our human spirit.

The Mothership - 2013-03-26

Dude I fucking love this movie.

Oscar Wildcat - 2013-03-26

I ask you; how often does Orson Wells appear painted on the side panels of a smoove 70's van with water bed and bubble sun roof? Yep. I rest my case.

Pillager - 2013-03-26


Billy the Poet - 2013-03-26

Now... he is as strong as TEN children!

(Anyone who doesn't love Conan has ten types of brain damage.)

DriverStabby - 2013-03-26

Has anyone mentioned the protein, calories, and rest thing, and he's a slave? No? Okay, good.

Binro the Heretic - 2013-03-26

You'd expect more realism from a movie where a dude turns himself into a snake.

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-03-26

STOP READING MY MIND BINRO. I said the same above :(

DriverStabby - 2013-03-26

I heard a guy turns himself into a snake.

EvilHomer - 2013-03-26

I thought he was a snake who turned himself into a guy?

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-03-26

Actually... I guess that may be true Homer. They don't really tell you.

13.5 - 2013-03-26


"Ok, you're done. Come on."

Bisekrankas - 2013-03-26

Loving the music for this film

Bisekrankas - 2013-03-26

And also, great commentary track

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-03-26

OH GOD. If you own the DVD (as I do), you NEED to listen to the commentary. There is a "best of" up here under the Conan tag I think. Oh, here it is. http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=99241

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-03-26

I watched this only two weeks ago for the first time in a few years. I have begun to pray to Crom again, though I do not have the tongue for it.

Kid Fenris - 2013-03-26

"It was useless to call on Crom, because he was a gloomy, savage god, and he hated weaklings. But he gave a man courage at birth, and the will and might to kill his enemies, which, in the Cimmerian's mind, was all any god should be expected to do."

unknown specimen - 2013-03-27

One day a religious nut came to my college looking to get to people to come to his church. He had been walking around the student centre for a while. He finally gets up to my group of friends and he comes to me first. He says something along the lines of, "would you like your soul saved by Jesus."
My response: "My soul doesn't need saving. I pray to a better God, I pray to Crom."
Him: Will Crom bring you to heaven?
Me: Will your Jesus bring you to revenge?
Him: Fair point. But will Crom actually bring you revenge or will you do that yourself?
Me: Look I've prayed to your Jesus, and he didn't do shit. I've prayed to Crom, at least when I pray to Crom something gets done.

He walked away and I never saw him again. But that church did eventually get burned down.

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-03-27

You should've told him you're shy and then when you get a little further away from the group killed him and taken his religious vestments. Have you learned nothing?

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