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Desc:Do you go out of the house dressed like that?
Category:Religious, Horror
Tags:christianity, hell, Heaven, perfect, HoneydewWilkins
Submitted:kamlem
Date:06/23/13
Views:1316
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Comment count is 18
Caminante Nocturno
Stop talking in the middle of church, you jackass!
Scrimmjob
He just bought himself a one way ticket to hell!

yogarfield
manson, teresa, and you.
boner
Pretty sure the NSA is wiretapping this Jesus guy.
THA SUGAH RAIN
God does not grade on a curve. Your sophomore stats professor was more forgiving than god himself.
Jet Bin Fever
haha. I'm gonna have to use that one.

IrishWhiskey
Jesus also said that only a few thousand would be allowed into heaven, specifically the Jews who were around at the time, and that the end of the world would come within the lifetime of those people.

But we're skipping over all that I guess, to tell you that you are all sick and only by living the way I tell you to live, can you be healed of this illness I just made up. That includes taking off that yellow hat, you dirty slut.
IrishWhiskey
"The Resurrection is the most well documented event in history. Legal experts say it would stand up in a court of law today."

I gotta try that next time: Your honor while I have no direct evidence or testimony as to how the victim died, I do have the letters of this man who, decades later, wrote that he met the victim. This man is a self-confessed murderer suffering from delusions who claims magic powers himself. At least half his testimony is actually forged.

Don't worry though, I can supplement his testimony with several sources from decades later. These also aren't firsthand, and get basic details of the time and place wrong, in addition to contradicting each other and the original source, as well as historical evidence. Well, to be more specific, I can supplement it with what people centuries later claim these people wrote.

I know you may be looking for more contemporary sources, but strangely all the historians and messianic movements of the era missed these events, including the sun going out and a zombie horde arising and being seen by many. However I do have a Shroud from the 14th century that some people think looks a bit like what they imagine Jesus as, so that's proof enough.

Redford
Do we really need to pull out the "Back then, anything that could not be explained (which was virtually everything related to any field of medicine or science) was attributed to the supernatural and God" clause again?

badideasinaction
You know, 80s and 90s fundamentalism almost seems quaint and cute now...
SteamPoweredKleenex
A lot of right-wing stuff that we take as "normal for them" today would have been too over-the-top to be 80's and 90's satire.

Old_Zircon
It was only a few years ago that it seemed sinister that TV in real life was starting to look like TV in Robocop. These days, TV in Robocop would be a big improvement.

kingarthur
I was expecting a personal response to all of our chucklefuckery here. I know we had that one crazy lady from way back who actually made a response video to us, but has anyone done it since then?


(And I'm sorry I said I wanted to break her fingers back then, though I'm sure she deserved it)
kingarthur
And did Mr. Rottenfeet ever get to sign up or is the approval process still stuck in limbo?

(Sorry I don't know your name, Mr. Rottenfeet, I just used a nickname everyone would remember)

chumbucket
Didn't this all just roll into the whole rapture clause? If your clothes aren't lying about in the pile that was you...you're in hell.
Kieran27
“We all think Mother Theresa is a saint, and in comparison to us she is.”

Um... No. No, have to disagree with you on that.
That guy
In that mom's defense, that girl was dressed like a trollop.

Anyway, a little EST and Francis Anfuso will be right as rain.

Also 2:41-2:48
Uulanbaatorbaby
Well, at least they recognised other beliefs and said they did not wish to offend. Today that would be POLITICAL CORECTNESS! and SPINELESS APPEASMENT! respectively.
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