Only 4 because this could have been so much better.

I read a while back that some squirrels in Central Park ate crack rocks and started attacking people.

A few weeks ago, during the first of the deep freezes, my mother saw our younger dog chasing after a squirrel that was bleeding. She managed to get our dog away from the squirrel. One of its front legs was gone, either because our dog snapped it off or because it might have froze to the roof. My mother just assumed it would curl up in the bushes and bleed to death. Next day... nope, the amputee squirrel was back pillaging our bird feeders, total survivor, like Merle from THE WALKING DEAD.

Moral: don't underestimate squirrels.

It's not scary OR funny!

While I stayed in Brooklyn, I once saw a squirrel on the ledge outside the kitchen window. I am convinced it was some kind of squirrel demon. It had wild frizzed out fur and looked at me unmoving with crazed eyes, abyssal eyes. My brain could barely form memories of it. When it finally left, I didn't see it leave, it was just gone.

That squirrel is terrible.

My female coworkers admonished me for referring to the squirrels who cavort around the break area behind the building as "fuzzy-tailed tree rats."

"They're not rats!" they protested, "They're cute and cuddly!"

One day, as we were sitting there, one of the ladies said "What's that squirrel eating?" Everyone looked and. as if on cue, the squirrel turned around to reveal it was noshing on the lower half of a baby squirrel.