Of course it's German.

Seems risky. One false step on those heels and it's all over when you can't catch yourself with your chained hands.

I hope it never gets so hard to get a boner that I have to resort to these kinds of inconveniences.

I thought this was going to be part of the Going to the Store series. :(

I lived in Berlin for a short while and went to the gay pride parade there (Christopher Street Day). Open beers and lit joints everywhere, policemen dancing on to of their vans, old lesbians passing them roses, floats with fat, naked men chained up as their genitals were whipped, it was magical.
I followed the parade from Schoneburg to the Brandenburg Gate drinking all the while until I had to race like a pisshorse. I wandered in to the the park to piss and there beneath a tree sat a dude in full latex and gimp mask. A bunch of Deustcher chavs nearby said, "Dude, he totally wants to be pissed on!"
"Willst du wirklich das ich pisse an dich?" I asked, "Ja bitte!" he grunted through his zipped mask. So I did, all over him, in his mouth, down his shirt, all the while him violently pawing at his codpiece. "Danke, danke schoen!" He gasped as I shook off the last drops. Then I ran away before he could try to hug me.

It truly is a glorious time to be alive!