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Category:Science & Technology, Advertisements
Tags:90s, meat, Freedom, patriotism, The Decline and Fall of the American Middle Class
Submitted:Old_Zircon
Date:04/03/15
Views:1389
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Comment count is 42
simon666
What 70 year old executive thought up this shit? Five stars!
simon666
Also, if there isn't yet a 'middle class shit' tag, there really should be one.

cognitivedissonance
Also, apparently it was bought out by Australians around this time, and this is what they think American Patriotic Shit is about. That's why all the people are in shape and dressed about five years behind 1991.

simon666
"Well, market research tells us that Americans love freedom of choice. I reckon we betta gear our next promo around that fact. Whattaya fellas say?"

Old_Zircon
Tag deployed.

cognitivedissonance
The Old Sea Captain from The Simpsons! Yarrr!

Jesus, this is like a Mr. Show sketch. 1991: when the back of mens' shirts tucked in was at an all time puffiness quotient high.
Old_Zircon
He looks like Captain Dildo to me.

https://c1.staticflickr.com/3/2675/3759882709_9d92c3b4d3_z.jpg

Old_Zircon
Actually no, I just wanted to post Captain Dildo.

jreid
Arr I hate the sea, and everything in it.

infinite zest
A new kind of service.

betamaxed
I want to grow up to become that sea captain.
cognitivedissonance
I watched it a few times, and either he's feeling up the girl or has had a stroke or both.

Old_Zircon
I had to reread that three times before I realized what you meant by "had a stroke."

Rodents of Unusual Size
When I was a little kid, I grew up REALLY poor, and I honestly thought Sizzler must be the most amazing fucking place to eat on the planet. I thought it was where really rich people must go to eat after a day on the beach and working building...stuff.

To this day I have never been to Sizzler and I mourn how much happiness and Americaness I have missed out on.
Old_Zircon
I probably wasn't as poor as you, but I was definitely poor enough that I still remember driving past the Ground Round across the highway from the poor people mall (half a mile or so away from the other mall we almost never went to) and thinking it must look like something out of Dynasty in there.

homogenousemptytime
My dad managed some Sizzlers in Southern California in the 80's and 90's. We ate there like every week (I think they got free meals or some kind of discount?), and it was amazing. Cheezy toast and endless DIY frozen yogurt.

Hooker
I grew up poor and through sheer tyranny of will, my parents managed to move up to lower-middle-class. One of the perks was we got to go to Sizzler a couple times a year. It really was amazing.

infinite zest
All I really remember about Sizzler was the e.coli outbreak, and thinking it was probably good that we never ate at one when I was a kid, even though I always wanted to go, for some reason (there wasn't a video arcade or nothin'.) But I always assumed it was just a local Oregon chain, since there's a MilwaukIE, Oregon, but they were talking about it on the news when I was in Wisconsin, where it was MilwaukEE where the kid died. I guess I also sort of assumed that they went away after that. But nope! They're all over the world.

But then again, Jack in the Box didn't.. what's funny is if you ever eat at Q'Doba (which is owned by Jack in the Box) or, probably Jack in the Box, you're probably more likely to get a food-borne illness at almost any other restaurant now.

Old_Zircon
A woman I dated in college actually worked at a Jack In the Box in San Francisco (or maybe Seattle, I forget) about a year after the e.coli

I had e.coli in 2000 and my digestion's still not quite the same. It was the same variety that Jack In the Box gave everyone and that made one of the US olympic skating alternate have to have both legs amputated the next year, so I'm lucky to be mostly OK. The CDC takes any e.coli case pretty seriously, so there was a pretty through investigation into it and the only cases of that strain in all of New England in the previous year were an old lady on the opposite end of the state and somebody in Northern MAine, neither of whom could be even indirectly linked to me, so it's a mystery how it happened. It takes anywhere from 3 days to a week for symptoms to start. Could have come from anything.

At any rate, i you ever need some Livejournal about what it's like to be roaringly high on Demerol while blood and puss falls out of your ass for days, I've got you covered.

Enjoy
We had a Sizzler in the town I grew up in. I never once got to visit. In a family of eight, the only sit-down restaurant we went to was Denny's and that was on rare occasion. At Denny's there would be no beverages, no desserts, and if you looked young enough, you had to order from the kids menu. We thought it was great though.

I remember seeing Sizzler ads on TV and, like ROUS, thought it must be unimaginably nice inside. I pictured steak dinners on white table cloths in a dimly lit, classy room. Probably some soft music and a whole array of utensils that needed to be used in the proper order. I didn't know anyone who ate there but I figured they must be wealthy judging by the cars. We had an old Ford Club Wagon (extended length) and I remember newer model Toyotas parked in front of Sizzler.

This morning I was making the rounds through the house looking for stray dishes to start a load. I went in my daughter's bedroom and found some leftover take-out sushi on a plate along side three empty Perrier bottles strewn about.

On the way back to the kitchen I ate the old sushi and drank what was left in the bottles. My kids don't have the same perspective. In some ways I'm still that 10-year-old staring out the window of the van as we drove by Sizzler thinking how amazing restaurant foot must taste.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Let's face it. It's kind of the ultimate American dream to eat at Sizzler.

Old_Zircon
I got so fucking distracted talking about myself like a douche that I didn't actually say what I was trying to say, which is that an old girlfriend of mine worked at a Jack In The Box less than a year after the e.coli outbreak, in the same region, and she says that because the outbreak brought so much bad press, after that (at least a year after) they were absurdly hygienic. She even had to attend a series of courses on food safety that lasted for something like two weeks, apparently it was by far the most safety conscious food service environment she or anyone else there had ever seen, by a huge margin.

I wonder what Sizzler did after their outbreak.



The offer to talk about my bloody ass pus still stands.

Rodents of Unusual Size
I had e.coli years ago and I must admit I am curious about your ass pus. Was it leaking from your actual sphincter? Was it leaking from a flesh wound? Was it just dripping out of your bunghole?

Old_Zircon
No, that part of it was like violent diarrhea every couple of hours (when I was conscious at least, they kept me so sedated that I slept through a lot of it, , which was god because it was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced, like having a kidney stone except all the way across my lower abdomen, plus a high fever). Except, since the closest thing to food I was getting was IV hydration, all that was coming out was a mixture of blood, pus and little bits of the lining of my large intestine (maybe a pint at a time two or three times a day for the first two days I was in the hospital, the worst of it was mostly over by day 3 - they had to keep it all for analysis so I know pretty much exactly how much there was on account of I was shitting into a big graduated bucket, more or less). Every couple of hours for three days, after which I was able to start eating unflavored jello a little bit, and by the end of the week I was home and mostly OK and able to digest white rice. I still get some irritation down there from time to time but nothing to serious, it more or less feels like I ate a whole jar of pickled jalapenos the day before for a day or two a couple of times a year.

Easily the sickest I've ever been by a huge margin, although the kidney stone when I was 19 hurt more.

Old_Zircon
There are quite a few kinds of e.coli. If you're going to get it, stay away from O157:H7. I am very lucky it wasn't worse.

Old_Zircon
It's actually giving me a weird, phantom cramp just thinking about it.

Kumquatxop
Came for the video, stayed for the asspus.

Rodents of Unusual Size
I don't know which version I had but it didn't involve organ bits or pus. I was incredibly sick, though, and the revolting aspect of shitting and vomiting uncontrollably at the same time is forever stuck in my memory. The only thing worse was cleaning it up.

Ugh
just been watching 2:15 - 2:18 over and over again, i think everything is gonna be... okay
Caminante Nocturno
2:15
Hooker
The buffet court: a whole experience on its own.
The Mothership
Love the cheating couple at 2:45-55. Imagery works perfectly with the music.
infinite zest
You mean I volunteered to be in this commercial and I don't get to actually kiss her AND I don't get a free meal!?!

jreid
Sailors don't dress like that, not since the fucking 40s. Fuck you, Sizzler.
Rodents of Unusual Size
Well they need to bring it back, then.

dairyqueenlatifah
I'm surprised that, upon Google searching, their website is active, and they're still very much alive. I thought that gigantic e-coli outbreak that killed a whole bunch of their customers about fifteen years ago had put them out of business.

I recall my grandma loving Sizzler's and taking us there every now and then, and thinking that Sizzler's and Bob's Big Boy were fine dining for the rich and that we were being super spoiled when we went to said establishments. I also remember listening to some morning radio show in like 1995 and them mocking and making fun of Sizzler and the quality of their food and totally not getting the joke. Oh, to be a poor kid.
infinite zest
Yeah.. w/r/t my comment above, the original E.Coli outbreaks actually WERE in Oregon and Washington, which makes more sense because I was only 11 at the time in 1993 (the Wisconsin one that resulted in death was in 2000.) In the time between, they filed for Chapter 11 and closed most of their locations. THEN, rat poison was found in a few of their Australian locations. THEN, there was a scandal involving hiring illegal labor. Yeesh.

Old_Zircon
That's just the price of freedom, Zest.

The Mothership
I FORCED my parents to take me to Sizzler in Vancouver, WA, in the late 80s, cause their 'all you could eat seafood dinner' looked really fucking good on the television commercials. I was a fat kid and loved fried shrimp, fucking sue me.

Old_Zircon
I was going to make a bland pop culture reference but instead I was led to discover that thy now bleep out "Iranian" in the part in Goonies when the sheriff talks about Chunk claiming 50 Iranian terrorists took over all the Sizzler Steak Houses in the city. Which I guess isn't surprising, but seems like just another minor example of 21st century Americans' complete inability to think critically about historical context.

Stopheles
There's a Sizzler in Forest Hills, near a movie theater that I take my kids to every couple of months. My son is tall enough to have looked through the windows, and I fear that he'll soon ask to be taken there for a special occasion.
jaunch
Is it me or are most of the people in this video women or little girls? Am I the only creep that noticed that?
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