lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When she comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch moanin' and the dick turns purple and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin' they all come in and gobble your knob.

I have no idea who these people are. Bring Dani Jensen and Lexi Belle to teach me history, and you will have earned your fifth star.

Not as good as Drunk History, but it's an interesting new angle.

Haha, fuck you, Montreal!

If this is gonna be a series, I'll watch just to see if they'll do one for la Maupin. Even the most Buzzfeed-y garbage faux-article couldn't undercut her actual hard-drinkin', hard-fightin', hard-fuckin' awesomeness.