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Desc:Turns out he really was obsessed with fresh buns, and having sex with kids
Category:Crime, Advertisements
Tags:subway, pedophile, Jared Fogle
Submitted:SolRo
Date:08/22/15
Views:1628
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Comment count is 61
Rangoon
Why does Jared Fogle like twenty-six years old?

Because there are twenty of them.

What was Jared Fogle's favorite part of a Subway-brand sub?

The fresh buns.

What is Jared Fogle's favorite piece of classical music?

Beethoven's Fifth, in A Minor.

What is Jared Fogle's favorite kind of van?

The windowless kind.

[additional generic pedophile joke question]?
[additional generic pedophile joke answer].

But in all seriousness, this is career suicide at its finest.
dairyqueenlatifah
How are the birth of Jared Fogle's career and the death of Jared Fogle's career the same?

They both happened because he was trying to get into smaller pants.

EvilHomer
DQL wins!

I'm not so sure that "career suicide" is the appropriate phrase to use here. Perhaps "comfortable retirement suicide"?

Kabbage
For DQL.

oddeye
flawless

Rodents of Unusual Size
I would settle for just "suicide suicide".

Bobonne
DQL grillin' and chillin'.

John Holmes Motherfucker
That was quality, DQL.

Old_Zircon
I don't even need to say who these stars are for.

Killer Joe
Jared likes his girls like he likes his subs.
6 and 12.
Hooker
Reports say that he lured children with a deal that included pop and some cookies.
il fiore bel
Chubway
Rodents of Unusual Size
I hope he didn't just squirt too much mayo on those buns.

Also he's going to get raped in prison! :O
mouser
Footlongs for everyone!

Rodents of Unusual Size
with extra banana pepper

infinite zest
I like mine with mayo and crabs.

15th
Prison food won't be that big of a change, the sex will though.
Cena_mark
I don't see why everyone is cracking jokes about this. I'm heartbroken. Jared was a hero to me and millions of people. He showed the world that we can all change our ways and live healthier lives through exercise and delicious Subway sandwiches.
EvilHomer
You need to separate the man from the message. Jared isn't what's important; the thing that matters is what Jared represents.

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that John Cena was outed as a pedophile. What would you say to that? How would you react? Would you suddenly decide that Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect are nothing more than bullshit? Would the importance of exercising and rapping be in any way diminished?

Cena_mark
That's a good point, but it still leaves everything tarnished. Its like when Benoit snapped. I was depressed and now you can't watch a Benoit match without being reminded of the grisly murders. You can't enjoy his awesome intensity and technical prowess without thinking about him murdering his own wife and child.
If Cena turned out to be evil Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect would still be a good message, but he gave those words so much power. It even lines up with the Coast Guard core values so well which are honor, respect, and devotion to duty.

EvilHomer
Actually, I never really liked Benoit, and always suspected that he was the sort of man who could murder his family. Watching his matches now gives me a sense of validation.

But I understand what you're trying to say.

I still disagree with you, though. For example, one of my favorite bands is a Swedish melodic-black metal band, Dissection. When I first started listening to them, I didn't know too much about the band - I had their two studio albums, but beyond that, they were a mystery to me. Later, I discovered that the lead singer of Dissection had murdered a man. It was a dispute over Satanism. At first I was shocked, even sad; but then, over time, I learned to accept the singer for who he was. The fact that he killed a wannabe initiate into the occult secrets of the Temple of the Black Light, and the fact that he committed suicide shortly after leaving prison because he believed suicide was a glorious and sacred act, do not in any way diminish the beauty of his music.

Nikon
>You can't enjoy his awesome intensity and technical
>prowess without thinking about him
>murdering his own wife and child.

The double-murder suicide is his signature move. However, he can only do it once.

Cena_mark
I'm going to start ordering my Subway Sandwiches with mayo, as a means of severing my Subway experience from Jared.

John Holmes Motherfucker
I feel sorry for him.
I think he needs to go to prison.
I hope he doesn't get raped.
I think he needs to go to prison.

infinite zest
It's interesting that you should say that you saw him as a hero: back in Middle School I was waaay overweight and it was totally my diet so I just cut out McDonalds and continued with my normal activities, and lost about 75 pounds over a summer. Jared's story seemed like more of a corporate move: Eat Subway every day and lose weight. And yes, a turkey sub with no dressing or cheese does come to a healthy 300 calories or so, but they like to put that in the fine print. Anyway, I knew a bunch of people who GAINED weight from eating subway every day: I'm pretty sure that there are some Subway sandwiches that have like double the calories and fat of anything you can find at McDonalds, Taco Bell and the like.

But you are right, he spoke on a (inter)national level which is something that one fat kid can't, kind of like Lance Armstro--oh never mind.

Old_Zircon
Also those Subway buns just get metabolized into the equivalent of like a tablespoon of sugar as soon as you eat them.

Old_Zircon
As much as I love bread, it's evil. I started baking last winter, and through the addition of that extra bread into my diet I gained almost 20 pounds in 4 months.

But my god there is nothing more delicious than a freshly baked sourdough.
Except for sourdough pancakes, which are basically the perfect food.

garcet71283
I remember reading a study a number of years ago. They did an actual, scientific study measuring the calorie and fat contents of all the major chains sandwiches, and oddly enough, Burger King won with a Whopper Jr., hold the mayo.

The Subway sandwiches were mostly as bad or worse for you than a Big Mac.

il fiore bel
Well, yeah, if you visit Subway every day, and you're all about the meatball or tuna footlongs with all the nasty fixins plus chips/cookies and a soda, then of course you'll be fat. Subway doesn't make you fat or skinny, your choices do.

Cena_mark
Jered's healthy picks are listed on the menu. No fatty sauce, no mayo. Mustard is fine.

Rodents of Unusual Size
I think that if it had just been the having prostitutes over that were 17, I could have easily overlooked that, but some of these girls were younger than ten. The youngest was six years old. That's not consensual, that's full on molestation. I really shudder over this...I physically shudder over this.

John Holmes Motherfucker
>>>Anyway, I knew a bunch of people who GAINED weight from eating subway every day: I'm pretty sure that there are some Subway sandwiches that have like double the calories and fat of anything you can find at McDonalds, Taco Bell and the like.

I don't think Subway can be faulted for this. The original ads were pretty clear about what Jared ate, and it wasn't exactly living the high life: a turkey sub and a veggie sub every single day, no mayo. Subway has a list of low-fat options clearly indicated on the menu, and the fine print warning you that mayo adds fat is not so fine that you'll miss it. If you're avoiding carbs, you can get the contents of most subs served as a salad.

Obviously, you're not going to get skinny eating the hot pastrami footlong everyday. Subway offers a fair variety of good options, but they're not going to stay in business without offering something decadent for the less health conscious. I'm not that surprised that the whopper junior has less fat, it's pretty small next to a subway sandwich,

BHWW
When the story of the raid on his house broke, among other things, I came across a nerd's whiny rant posted to a site, Imgur, I believe, that was FREE JARED because Jared Did Nothing Wrong and the comments had plenty of angry nerds bitching about how people are way too uptight about child pornography.

Even now, you have people going "Well, let's not be too quick to drop the hammer on Jared, so he went out with a 17-year old! I'm not saying that's right buuuuut, it's hardly child molestation, right?!? I mean he may have paid them but still that's maybe creepy but hardly the activities of a monster!"

I mean...in text messages to other people he said a 16 year old would be fine for a hookup, but the younger the girl the better. And he had some really young skewing CP in his collection.
Boomer The Dog
When news of the plea came out earlier in the week, I was listening to radio talk shows covering it, with emotional call-ins by the public. I barked to a friend that the news and commentary will blow over in a few days, but no one will meaningfully talk about the issues.

Boom

EvilHomer
What are your thoughts on this issue, Boomer? I'd like to hear what you have to bark.

infinite zest
I can understand the "17" argument, since some states in the US do distinguish age of consent as 17. And I think Jared was also Subway's Canadian mascot, so we could even lower that number to 16. But whether or not you agree with the law or not, the law's the law, ostensibly put there to prevent kids who didn't know what they were doing yet from having an unwanted pregnancy that could destroy their future before it began.

And Jared is an adult and knows the law, and knew he was breaking it. I can argue that I knew how to handle 6 beers in a night when I was 14 better than many 21 year-olds too, but I also knew the consequences if I was caught with alcohol on my person or in my system, vs. a person of legal age. Jared is not a martyr here and he, as any pedophile, knowingly broke the law.

EvilHomer
Well, Jared travels the world, spreading the gospel of Subway sandwiches. Geography must get confusing sometimes for a jet-setter like him. When he propositioned those children, maybe he thought he was in Japan?

SolRo
Jared was into much younger kids according to the lady that taped his perv sessions, as young as 6

Boomer The Dog
I thought Jared was a cool enough guy at the time his commercials were on. I knew it was marketing, but losing weight was a good goal and it was something to see how different he looked after he lost weight, an achiever there.

I think when you become a celebrity, there's a responsibility that goes with it. It's like a fair exchange, you're giving of yourself, and your privacy to an extent, in exchange for fame, friendship and maybe fortune, so it would be a good idea to tame yourself and grow up some, at least think about how to do that.

We'll never know the whole story, but it does seem to be odd to be so open about it. A friend said maybe he thought he could buy his way out. Maybe fame would help? It's actually probably worse, celebrities are always getting their phones hacked, so if the police hadn't brought the hammer down, he probably would have been massively blackmailed eventually, based on what the news is telling.

Boomer

Boomer The Dog
Homer, Related to teens as objects in popular music, with a discussion of why at the end. Not connected to Jared, but something that doesn't get talked about with his situation.

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/jailbait_jamboree_creepy_co untdown_of_the_top_ten_inappropriate_songs_that

I'm sure there'll be spaces in that address........

EvilHomer
Oh yeah; I'd add Winger's "Seventeen" and literally everything done by BotDF to that list as well! In fact, I think if you went down through popular music and tried to catalogue, not just the songs which explicitly reference statutory pedophilia, but also the bands which actively engaged in it, you'd have hundreds, thousands of entries. In fact, a strong argument can be made that jailbait was the primary impetuous behind the development of modern pop music. My dad was a greaser, and growing up I was exposed to a lot of early rock & roll - pretty much every other song was about highschool sex, at varying levels of innocence and innuendo.

However, I don't really agree with the argument at the end, at least not so far as the author's contention that we've gotten past the era of jailbait-as-entertainment. The record industry, as well as the television and fashion, and really every facet of the mainstream media industry, continues to routinely push the sexualization of teenagers, often much more explicitly than they would in the past! Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande; I don't know if you watch South Park, Boomer, but they had a really good episode about Disney, and the way the Disney corporation markets the Jonas Brothers as thinly-veiled sex symbols for underage girls.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCTZ7yTJ1zw

Ugh
eat flesh
Caminante Nocturno
Why does Jared like five dollar footlongs?
Because there are five of them.

Jared likes his women the same way he likes his subs.
Inferior in quality to the likes of Potbelly or Jersey Mike's.
infinite zest
Oh Potbelly's.. I chipped a tooth on your bread once.

EvilHomer
No, Caminante, you've misunderstood. The five dollar footlong deal gives you one footlong for five dollars, not five footlongs for a dollar each.

The deal is easier to understand if you write it out in this way: Footlong

garcet71283
Looking forward to seeing Jared's prison body in the advertisements in 7 years!
John Holmes Motherfucker
I've hardly set foot in a Subway since I discovered Jimmy John's. Not as much of a selection, but really good sandwiches. Anybody else live near a franchise?
Cena_mark
I do, but I haven't tried it yet. Brock Lesnar endorses them, so I need to try it. He'll be my new sandwich hero. I'll begin the Brock Lesnar diet, which includes delicious Jimmy John's sandwiches and fitness regimen of sluplexing people.

EvilHomer
I'm glad to see you're coming around to Brock. With CM Punk and Daniel Bryan gone, and Xavier Woods having no chance at winning a serious title on account of Vince being a racist, Brock is the apex of modern sports entertainment.

The man's neck muscles are bigger than my leg. If he eats Jimmy John's, then by God, I shall too.

EvilHomer
I have never seen a Jimmy John's. We have D'Angelo's, which is pretty good, and there used to be a Quiznos somewhere, but that may have gone out of business. Other than that, there are no fast-food sub franchises here besides Subway.

EvilHomer
BTW Cena, oddeye called you out, and you're obligated to rap battle now.

http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=147425

Perhaps someone could submit a new video, a Rap Battle Arena video, where commenters can go and rap battle each other. It would be a good way to resolve internal disputes here, I think.

Cena_mark
I'll have to write a response. John Cena did a Subway commercial. They should hire him again.

John Holmes Motherfucker
I think they should bring back Michael Phelps. I know that no one here will admit to watching "How I met Your Mother", but if you did, you'd get a chuckle at the idea of Michael Phelps hawking "sandwiches".

spikestoyiu
Jimmy John's is certainly better than Subway, but that's a very low bar. Jimmy John's is a place that sells sandwiches that are fine to eat. That's about as positive as I can be about them. Oh, and they're fast.

Bus_Aint_Comin
i don't think people understand the level of hatred for pedophiles/child murderers/perpetrators of violence against women in the correctional system. In california, at least, there's a standing "greenlight" on all chi-mos. This means that if i, a convict in good standing, am able to attempt to murder one of these offenders, then i MUST do so, or i myself am subject to being murdered, for not upholding the code. 90% of offenders of these types are housed for the entirety of their stays on the SNY: the sensitive needs yard (this is also where snitches are housed). It's to the point that there are prison gangs that have been formed with the express purpose of PRETENDING to snitch, just to get transferred from the mainline to a yard where a member has a chance to assassinate a chester.

i personally am more or less in favor of this.

but i just want to try and communicate to everyone who says "i hope he gets raped in prison! LOL GET IT PRISON THATS WHERE RAPE IS" that the stakes are much, much higher. if jared fogle even survives prison it will be a miracle, one that he doesn't deserve.
Nominal
Congrats, you're a terrible person.

Bus_Aint_Comin
why? because i understand the reality of the correctional system? or because you disagree with something i said?

Caminante Nocturno
The idea that miracles are undeserved is sacrilegious.

Binro the Heretic
Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but we all should have spotted that pedosmile a long time ago.
John Holmes Motherfucker
Regarding the video, I'm not trying to excuse him, but as the son of a newspaper journalist, we didn't need the editorializing about his "vile" crimes and his "twisted urges". Considering the source was a newspaper (a tabloid, I know) that shit is just unprofessional. We know the Daily News doesn't support child prostitution.
spikestoyiu
Now whichever prison he ends up in is going to have that Subway stink.
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