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Desc:If it's not angry drivers, it's angry birds.
Category:Sports, Nature & Places
Tags:bicycle, Magpie, cyclist, GoPro
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Comment count is 6
so, in theory, a homeless Australian wouldn't starve during magpie season so long as they have a net
who wants to gnaw on human bones

Binro the Heretic
Many, many years ago, I was out biking getting some exercise and fresh air. I lived in a rural are, so there were lots of big scenic properties. I pedaled past a big McMansion that had its own fishing pond. Glancing over, I noticed some Muscovy ducks clustered in the shade of a tree near the pond. I continued on at a leisurely speed.

When I was nearly past the property, I felt an odd sort of shift in the air pressure behind me accompanied by a rustling sound. I glanced over my shoulder to see the big male Muscovy coming at me. For those who have never seen a Muscovy, they look an evil scientist stitched together a duck, a wild turkey and a velociraptor.

The bird had a five-foot wingspan. It was mottled black & white and it's head was covered with blood-red crenulated wattle tissue making its wide yellow eyes and ivory bill look even more pronounced. Muscovy don't have regular duck bills. They have a sharp little chisel-like hook on the end.

Some rational part of my brain thought, "Oh, it must be nesting season. He's just protecting his harem and their eggs." The rest of my brain was screaming, "AGH! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FASTER! FASTER! FASTER!" Even though I poured on the speed, I still felt a few nasty taps on my back.

Fortunately, he broke off the pursuit when I got well past his territory. The whole chase lasted probably less than two seconds, but because fear speeds up perception, it felt like minutes had passed.

Anyway, birds are vicious evil assholes. They've never forgiven mammals for usurping the planet from their archosaur ancestors. They'll never miss an opportunity to maim or murder us.
Holy hell! Well, seeing how these things are descendants of dinosaurs, I guess it's no shocker how pissed they are now.

To be fair, if I possessed a mode of transportation that would let me instantly get out of reach of mammals, I would endlessly torment us too.

birds are dicks

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