You really can't stay mad at Pat.

"He's not a manager. He's a busboy. And I already fired him.
Now get back to work, Pat!"


Also, poor form self-starring, SDC.

Why would I submit a video unless I thought it was worthy of *****? I mean unless I was doing some meta-ironic thing where I get myself one-starred as an object lesson.

This is the Great Poetv Etiquette War of 2014, and I'm the only one who thinks it's not over and was settled with a 'meh'.

Two problems:

1) Time travel makes half my face fall off.

2) Pat rules. Pat. Fucking. Rules. You can't stay mad at Pat. Especially if you're a woman in need of shoes cobbled or need to run an Italian restaurant but will die if you eat Italian food.

3) Actually, scratch that. Pat uniformly rules in all scenarios.

I know. It's a shame you had to ruin it by going and 5-starring your own submission. :^/

You can try Hulu, but it's hit-or-miss. I was watching Gordon Ramsey's The F Word and some episodes had cussin and some others didn't. Also is now a good time to quote Louis CK because I'll try? Why the fuck do we still bleep out words when we're totally fine with saying "the hyphenated word"? Especially when the fucking show is called that in the first place? "Oh it stands for Food Jimmy." Fucking Ramsey cusses like a sailor in front of his own kids all the time on that show too.

These are obviously staged. Every restaurant in America has the same three features :

1. Drugs must be used constantly by everyone under penalty of death.
2. Food terrorism must occur with every order.
3. Everyone over 18 must constantly try and bang everyone under 18.

This show has never had a single accurate episode.

Yeah but then what's the point? My local watering hole was visited by Dave Attell on Insomniac some time before I was able to legally drink and he said it was the dirtiest bar he'd ever been in, you'd catch an STD by stepping in the bathroom, or something like that. So I guess I took that as a challenge so I went in, pretty reluctantly. And it was great! Yes there were more dogs than humans and their food menu was frozen dinners that you could get next door at the Convenient Store, not a typo, and I loved that!

I could go on about that place, but the point is Attell also said it was the best place on earth for what it was for. That fit the vibe of the show. A "You might want to check out a place that you shouldn't" kind of place. So their business increased by quite a lot and the older regulars still bring up the time they were on TV and had cameras swirling around them. But I can't see that translating to me wanting to eat at a nice restaurant after Gordon's gone and chewed them out.

It's usually the beginnings of Kitchen Nightmares that gets highlighted in clips, because that's the part that's amusing. But the show almost always ends with a (boring) heartwarming third act where the restauranteurs learn the value of a hard day's work, they simplify the menu, Gordon fixes everything including the decor for some reason, and the restaurant is showcased as a paragon of awesomeness. (aka Unicorn Poop)

Not shown: the more than 50% of establishments that go out of business 6 months later.

Actually, the UK version frequently did followups that showed the restaurant going under. The best one was Piccolo Teatro, that vegetarian restaurant in Paris where the owner got bored, quit, and showed up an hour late for her followup interview, forcing Gordon to make awkward small talk with her dad.

Yeah, the UK version was better in all sorts of ways. Basically, UK Kitchen Nightmares tried to be somewhat educational, while the American Kitchen Nightmares was all about the Drama! and trite story arcs. However, the American version did give us this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uPOGxUtZvk. So it's not all bad.

I went to one of his hotel ones. Didn't stay (good GOD why?!) but I did have a reasonable fried chicken.