|Jet Bin Fever |
They'll do a gritty reboot of Song of the South next, with a mournful "zippidee doo da" sung as an African Spiritual over brutal whipping scenes. Uncle Remus can lead a slave revolt against the masters and their annoying little white children by holding them hostage instead of reading them stories.
That would still be more coherent to the theme of the original than this confusing mess.
Also, Robert Redford, holy shit. He's old enough that this could be his final role. Did he owe someone money? There has to be a reason.
...crows all singing and flying around the poplar tree, Remus reaches up and pick a ripe luscious negro shaped fruit. Handing it to the children, he bursts into song
Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck
For the sun to rot, for the tree to drop
Here is a strange and bitter crop"
I think some Hollywood legends get older and realize "jeez I'm going to kick the bucket soon. Better start cashing some chips in for the grandchildren." Not that I'm complaining about seeing Terrence Malick and Ridley Scott pumping movies out, but people of a certain age might realize they can't take the fame with them and it's worth getting something for it.
You mean the guy from the Dos Equis commercials?!
seriously, it feels like someone wrote a script for a ka-zar origin story or something and it got repurposed
How many musical numbers do you think this one will have.
Did anybody ever actually LIKE the original movie? Even as a nostalgia piece? Even as a kitsch artifact? No?
I remember being literally FORCED to watch it as a kid in kindergarten. I remember asking if I could go play on the playground instead. I remember being told, no, "Pete's Dragon" was a reward. I hated it. I haven't ever seen it sense.
We owned the VHS for years and I recall that it was the one VHS in our collection of several hundred that never got opened. I believe it got purchased when I was 9 years old, and I distinctly recall at age 13, when I left that house to go live elsewhere, it had still never been opened and watched.
I've still never seen it, and I've never, ever met anyone who said they liked it or spoke fondly of it. As long as I've been alive, aside of the usual re-releasing on video every five to seven years like they do with all their films, Disney has pretty much ignored its existence.
I know Disney is currently on a kick of making live-action adaptations of their animated films, but of all the films in their catalog from that same era, why they chose Pete's Dragon of all things for a modern day remake is beyond my understanding.
I guess someone at their "Let's make live action adaptations of Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, The Jungle Book (again!), and Beauty and the Beast" board meeting stood up and said "Hey! What if we did one of our movies that wasn't loved by everyone?"
Maybe they'll do The Black Cauldron next. It's in the same boat of complete and utter irrelevance as Pete's Dragon was but totally doesn't deserve to be there.
Apparently, Branagh's remake of "Cinderella" is getting good press.
Ultimately, it comes down to source material.
Also, I get the feeling that there's some really, really paranoid executive that believes copyright law could be flipped literally tomorrow, so he's approving all these remakes just in case so they don't fall into public domain.
That's a pretty believable theory, actually.
And I can say, as someone who saw the live-action Cinderella, that it was quiet good, and easily one of, if not the best film adaptation of the story (to be fair, however, it was more its own adaptation of the classic fairy tale, not a remake of the animated film, and it wasn't a musical).
But I don't object in the least to these live-action remakes, it's just that typically you'd think they'd do so with the films people actually liked and would say "Oh wow, they're remaking that movie I really liked into live-action! I have to see!" I can't for the life of me fathom who thought doing it with Pete's Dragon was a good idea.
Jet Bin Fever
It has that incredibly depressing live-action 60-70s Disney quality. Highly recommended. Bring booze and a revolver.
Binro the Heretic
It came out when I was 7 years old and I really liked it, but mostly because of Helen Reddy. I like Helen Reddy, sue me.
Elliott was a pretty disappointing dragon, especially since I was used to the Maleficent dragon from "Sleeping Beauty" and Mad Madame Mim's dragon form in "The Sword in the Stone".
I liked it. IDK how to star this because remaking it is fucking stupid.
And what kind of name is Smeagus Feegley? Omegle Fagley? Smegma Foley?
Reign of Greystoke
"Me Tarzan, Calisti is returning of the king to hobbit throne."
Spielbergian child fantasy soundtrack by Tone of Reference featuring Camera Filter.
Haircuts by The Dark Crystal Reference Salon of Hollywood and Aqua Net.
I wish disney would pump the gas a little and do something really cool like make a rotoscoped animated version of Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend.
Only if the dinosaurs can look like rubber turds with teeth and eyes still.
Starring Bryce Dallas Howard in yet another role where she is Bryce Dallas Howard cosplaying as an Important Character(tm)!
I mean, come on, a forest ranger?? She'd be more believable as Daniel Plainview.
|Dumb Lamer |
I used to think the original was called Peach Dragon, because that was how my friend pronounced it.
| Register or login To Post a Comment|