Sweet fucking Jesus. That preload image.

What they said.

Your Jesus cannot help you now....

It's too perfect, it makes me want to cry.

oh god there's an ad for Amy Schumer right next to this AS IF I WASN'T PERTURBED ENOUGH

God and the bear at the Regency Square Mall,
grant me the serenity to press play.
The courage to watch this video.
and the eye bleach to unsee it afterwards.

I find the Sonic totem in the left corner to be even more disturbing. I've seen pictures of it, but never with any context to size. It's huge.

The lesbian couple Chris is trying woo are Sam and Ella.

I'm surprised the CWCki still doesn't have a page dedicated to the Totem.

I like to believe that totem was originally a monster from one of those Creepypastas about haunted game cartridges. When it realized it had to haunt Chris-Chan, it tried to flee back into Hell, but couldn't because Chris accidentally destroyed the cartridge filming a sex tape.

I loved and hated every second of this horrible fucking video.

Courtesy of the Kiwis:

http://tinyurl.com/cwccopter

Supposedly this video was done in "honor" of a lesbian couple who are trying to raise a baby.

It was done to impregnate said lesbian couple. They were looking for a donor, Chris offered to fuck them, "Johan the Bully" - a dying gay porn star turned Chris-troll - showed up in their chat to insist that HE was better at sex than Chris will ever be. A formal challenge was issued, and this was the result.

It's basically the Parappa contest, with an extra ten years of madness on top. Whoever can showcase the best sex moves, gets to fuck two lesbians!

Goddammit, EH. Now I'm just gonna stare at that until I die.

Also this:

http://tinyurl.com/cwcmoves

You know Chris-Chan has spent three decades learning about sex through porn and sex ed textbooks, and at no point do either directly address the fact that you don't just sprint up to a girl and jam things in her ass like a Civil War infantryman seizing an enemy windmill.

Yeah, but Chris deserves to lose this one. He promised Acrobatic Sexual Prowess, and all we got instead was a boring, vanilla "Yell explanations about vagina--->rimjob--->piledriver--->game show host--->STILL PRODUCES--->demand baby" progression. That is not nearly Acrobatic enough.

What about the spinning maneuver he pulled off at 4:30? On top of that, his performance was far superior to that of Johan the Bully.

Yeah, I voted for Christine, too. Johan the Bully's video wasn't very good.

http://www.strawpoll.me/10357607

"Don't Be a Ween! Vote For Christine!"

Having a girl spin her butt on your stomach while making helicopter noises is like the first move they teach you in Sex Ed. Plus it doesn't count as Acrobatic--which Chris CLEARLY promised us--if the girl is doing all the spinning and PBTPBTPBTPBT sounds.

Even so, it's far better than Johan's video. Johan just fucks it standing up. No variation or anything. He concludes with a brief titty fuck and finishes on the doll's face. Christine is down 18% because of weens like you.

We should also add that Johan has some horrible STDs. If you vote for Johan, he will transmit his diseases to the poor lesbian couple.

Johan is HIV positive, which makes it even funnier. These two lesbians are going to willingly give themselves AIDS because Chris made the Plan 9 of sex tapes.

Brilliant trolling that combines Chris' imaginary sexual godliness with his obsessive love of contests. When he loses he'll challenge the winner to Donkey Konga battle or something equally meaningless requiring an expensive game peripheral.

it's called sex, bruh. cool people do it all the time

IggyPopsUnluckyHockeyPuck, just watch the damn thing. He doesn't show his duck.

These clips are what separate the ... ahem... men from the boys.

ONCE MORE, UNTO THE BREACH!

You said unit.

This is the most baffling aspect of this. It seemed he'd grown wise to trolling, but here we go again.

these are two lesbians impressed with chris' sexual prowess but are debating between having "natural" penetrative heterosexual intercourse with Christian Weston Chandler and fucking a gay porn star with AIDS.

to prove his Acrobatic Sexual Prowess to the lesbians, who, let me reiterate, are only having sex with a man for the sperm but are inexplicably unwilling to simply get it through a non-Christian Weston Chandler for some no doubt plausible reason, he incorporates the following:

1) Telling them where their vaginas are located
2) Surprise rimjobs
3) Helicopter assaults
4) The piledriver
5) Slapping his testicles and yelling STILL PRODUCES
6) Demanding a baby

And they are seriously considering just fucking a gay man with AIDS instead.

Sounds about right.

I've heen joking about this a lot, mostly because it's the most hioarious thijg ever, but Chris' logic is pretty straightforward if you consider his "education": Porn, isolation, and unending sex ed classes.

Unless you watch a lot of highbrow indie arthouse films, your only realistic exposure to sex comes from actually having it. There's so many subtleties you never see in TV, movies, or middle school. He's so technical, pedagogic, and scattershot you can tell he just watched a lot of TV and pieced together vague, disjointed concepts that seemed erotic to him.

Remember when Megan confronted him about his Gitmo drawing of him fingering her? Her reaction was very understandable shock and horror, while Christ basically said "No, look, it's not weird. See, this is called "fingerbanging", and is a part of "outercourse" (as opposed to intercourse). I am rubbing your clitoris here, see?" Sane principle. He just regurgitates sex ed lectures mixed with porn and Bible counseling.

The whole is more overwhelming than the sum of it's parts. Any individual piece of this scene is scary enough, but put together you have the term "evidence dungeon" to apply.

In answer to your question about granny panties. they are likely either his mom's, or he bought them because they are the style his mom wears.

:(

I'm just picturing Christ commiting suicide ala William H. Macy in Boogie Nights. His last words are "I'm outskis."

#PoeTV on freenode IRC.

Netforce started streaming on June 1 at almost exactly 5:36 PM EST and is 2:33:44 long, so if you want to actually watch it from the beginning you can do the math and figure out the next time it's going to loop back to the beginning.

Don't worry! There's a ton of mirrors.