Scientology, Satan, SubGenius, whatever problems you got, they'll be happy to sell you a solution!

Leave my problems at church? OK, but my problem is a box full of rabid badgers.

I came here to stare at Mamie Van Doren's tits and make out with my prom date, but sure, yeah, church.

Doesn't sound fair to the Church if you ask me.

YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS? I'M A MOVIE THEATER! YOU CAN TAKE YOUR PROBLEMS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR CHURCH!

Why yes, in fact, you could say I only see the world in varying shades of grey.