There's even an episode where O'Brein admits he likes Bashir more than his wife, and while I think he meant that in a "you're more fun to hang out with" sort of way, I choose to interpret it as him confessing a deep love for Bashir which he knows can never be requited, because Julian loves the ladies and Miles has a Japanese beard waiting back at home. It just adds another layer to the walking tragedy that is Miles O'Brein.
And while we're at it, you know how everyone thought Tom Paris and Harry Kim were just "best friends?" Well everyone was right. Harry is straight and Tom Paris does not deserve love.
Marriage doesn't seem quite as appealing in a universe where you have a holodeck that can order up any consequence free sexual encounter you could ever want.
THIS marriage especially.
Did Cisko ban holodeck use for anything but baseball?
I think the station had holosuites, which were owned by Quark. You could use them for a while if you rented them from him. Maybe Miles wanted to save as much of his salary for his family as possible.
The other point to make is that you don't need to use a holodeck or holosuite only for a sexual encounter - you can make your own sweetheart (or sweethearts, plural) from the ground-up. Any attributes, any characteristics, any interests, any temperament, etc. I imagine more than a few crewmen were saving up for holoemitters for their quarters to have a loving waifu to come home to.