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La puta madre, tío, no me voy a sentar a mirar tres horas de la propaganda de mis viejos. Lo mirarais vos?
Or perhaps "miraríais"
Look, I've never seriously used that tense in my whole damn life, m'hijo.
You're also not lisping enough!
Let me tell you about my visit to the zapatero, then.
Loving the unlicensed use of 'New Year's Day" at 48:00 for the dope-ass slotcar racing set.