"IT'S A HUGE PROBLEM"

Lose a star for no ticker tape!
Get it back for the last five seconds.

Of course they aren't. There's no games in which you kill waves of invading Mexicans as you fight your way to the Hamptons in a Hummer loaded with assault weapons, where you must hold out in a siege against tax-hungry socialists, and defeat the negro anti-Christ Boss character, in order to earn your place in the Rapture.

The Onion: Still not as silly as the real news.

collecting dew in a human skull

I'll be honest with you people, I didn't know the difference between a frag grenade and a pulse grenade until Fallout 3 taught me.

I like to pretend that these are real newscasts and see how long it is before they give themselves away so bad that they break the illusion. This one lost it at the "frag grenade" comment.

You know, I think Left 4 Dead is teaching our children the wrong thing about other survivors in the zombie apocalypse. The game implies that we have to respect other's playstyles and learn how to cooperate with each other despite the differences and skill levels. However, it's far easier and safer to shoot other players in the kneecaps for a quick escape. It IS survival of the fittest, after all, and we all know other survivors are going to be as bossy and insufferable as you, nerd.

video games

And hack and hack and hack.

Left 4 Dead has taught me the power of butt-stroking and corner phalanxes.

I'm not 100% sure this help me out.

This is on the official Onion channel on YT, so it didn't really need to be resubmitted.

A solid 3 starrer until the "Up Next" stinger.

Is that Malcolm McDowell speaking with an american accent?

The round table ones are never as good as the stories.

-1 for being too big on the "video game logic applied to real life LOL" and not enough actual satire

(well, if they live that long)

Checked the youtube comments and there are really a fair amount of people who think this is real.

What is wrong with people?

The end made it.

Oh, The Onion.