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Desc:Are they?
Category:Humor, Video Games
Tags:video games, resident evil, fallout, onion, Onion News Network
Submitted:StanleyPain
Date:02/26/09
Views:2420
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Comment count is 25
heyitslozeau
"IT'S A HUGE PROBLEM"
The Great Hippo
Lose a star for no ticker tape!
Get it back for the last five seconds.
Menudo con queso
Your Yiddische Mama is very disappointed that all your day you waste on the Internet, Hippo.

IrishWhiskey
Of course they aren't. There's no games in which you kill waves of invading Mexicans as you fight your way to the Hamptons in a Hummer loaded with assault weapons, where you must hold out in a siege against tax-hungry socialists, and defeat the negro anti-Christ Boss character, in order to earn your place in the Rapture.

The Onion: Still not as silly as the real news.
dorje
collecting dew in a human skull
Caminante Nocturno
I'll be honest with you people, I didn't know the difference between a frag grenade and a pulse grenade until Fallout 3 taught me.
kingofthenothing
Fallout 3 taught me that the best combat skill to specialize in is "Unarmed", because guns and ammo are hard to come by and deteriorate over time, but your fists are trusty and never need reloading.

Pillager
Railway rifle.

ChooChoo!!

K'thunk!!

Few things are as pleasing as smiling at your former antagonist's severed head nailed to the wall.

kingofthenothing
Fallout 3 also taught me that strange body modification is okay and will help you survive better. If some stranger wants to give you a mechanical tweak, let him. If you think you might get some strange disease from a tree man, go for it. It'll help you in the long run. If some chick asks you to get yourself irradiated and report the results, it's in your best interest.

Monchiles Monchiles
I like to pretend that these are real newscasts and see how long it is before they give themselves away so bad that they break the illusion. This one lost it at the "frag grenade" comment.
Stog
You know, I think Left 4 Dead is teaching our children the wrong thing about other survivors in the zombie apocalypse. The game implies that we have to respect other's playstyles and learn how to cooperate with each other despite the differences and skill levels. However, it's far easier and safer to shoot other players in the kneecaps for a quick escape. It IS survival of the fittest, after all, and we all know other survivors are going to be as bossy and insufferable as you, nerd.
kingofthenothing
Well, yeah, but the thing is, safety in numbers and all that. Use the other survivors as body shields and equipment carriers, and hide behind them when all the action starts.

Tstyle
video games
allcaps
And hack and hack and hack.
HarveyTibbar
Left 4 Dead has taught me the power of butt-stroking and corner phalanxes.

I'm not 100% sure this help me out.
FABIO
That's GAYlanx

StanleyPain
This is on the official Onion channel on YT, so it didn't really need to be resubmitted.
Camonk
A solid 3 starrer until the "Up Next" stinger.
Old_Zircon
Is that Malcolm McDowell speaking with an american accent?
FABIO
The round table ones are never as good as the stories.

-1 for being too big on the "video game logic applied to real life LOL" and not enough actual satire
Rodents of Unusual Size
(well, if they live that long)
Anti-Pope
Checked the youtube comments and there are really a fair amount of people who think this is real.

What is wrong with people?
kingofthenothing
you want the full or the abridged version?

8bitwintermute
The end made it.
j lzrd / swift idiot
Oh, The Onion.
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