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Comment count is 35
Hooker - 2009-04-13

I cast Spear of Destiny!

chumbucket - 2009-04-13

I cast Scourging followed by Crucifixion!!

FineFilter - 2009-04-13

Society is getting polarized...so we need our own thing.

heyitslozeau - 2009-04-13

that we can make money on in our niche market! Quit taking all our market, seculars!

dr tits - 2009-04-13

just like the christians to take something everyone likes doing and ruin it by trying to make it into a christian thing so that they can try to convince people that being christian is just like being a neat little contrived version of yourself

for example, seasonal pagan holy days that became cheapened by the christian church when turned into holidays like christmas and easter.

and what's not jesus-approved about settlers of catan?

pastorofmuppets - 2009-04-13

It's cute how they think that the 99% of people who are content with regular old non-Jesus-themed entertainment are the polarizing force.

By the way, what do you call it when your paranoid delusions cause you to stalk other people? Chronic irony?

rustedmutt - 2009-04-13

I worked at a gaming store for some time. One of the regular M:tG players was a Jesus-whore...he would use a sharpie on the art and black out any boobs, buttocks, or other unwholesome imagery.

GlennFinito - 2009-04-13

When I was a child, I had a friend who had to hide his MTG cards behind his baseball cards as to avoid having them thrown out by his parents (again, it had happened three times before)

He prefered playing blue, the color of misdirection and obfuscation.

Hooper_X - 2009-04-13

Oh man, it gets awesome about 3:25 or so.

Also: The current makers of this game are also the ones who make Jesus-Approved versions of Apples to Apples, Scattergories, and Settlers of Catan(!!).

phalsebob - 2009-04-13

Settlers of Cajesus?

heyitslozeau - 2009-04-13

Catan-C+S= SATAN

rustedmutt - 2009-04-13

Settlers of Canaan.

No, really.

heyitslozeau - 2009-04-13

so it's the same thing with semantic differences. fuck this shit is stupid. My uncle was like these people, I remember having my magic cards taken away by him when I was visiting once. He put them in a pillowcase to hide their influence.

also, I like the fake story about "casting these spells for real"

also, I like when they were talking about poor kids they cut to the one black kid there.

millerman13 - 2009-04-13

Do you save souls by mass murder, rape, slavery, and torture? Because I'm pretty sure God does all those things.

Caminante Nocturno - 2009-04-13

If I can't build a poison counter deck out of it, I want no part of it.

eatenmyeyes - 2009-04-13

Two years ago there was a Poison deck doing well in Vintage tournaments. As I recall, it could win on the first turn.

StanleyPain - 2009-04-13

The Redemption card game is actually based on a book-and-paper role playing system called Redemption which is, I shit you not, an RPG setting in biblical times where the scenarios are all about converting people or casting out demons and such.

It's so funny how hard Christians try to co-opt anything people find fun or entertaining.

Billie_Joe_Buttfuck - 2009-04-13

Not for shit, but these kids are now blaspheming in the church.


Also, the balding goatee man is pandering in the tample of the lord.

j lzrd / swift idiot - 2009-04-13

"Hey J.L, have you heard this band, Creed? They're awesome!"

Sodomite - 2009-04-13

If I could cast any MTG spell, it would totally be Time Warp.

Hooper_X - 2009-04-13


major-_-turnon - 2009-04-13


Longshot- - 2009-04-13


kingofthenothing - 2010-06-10

I'd cast Damnation, at Wal-Marts and the Superbowl.

Twitch - 2009-04-13

Well, I played Magic and sat at the nerd table most of my high school career, but at least it was good old fashioned Satanic Magic The Gathering and not this pussy shit.

Xenocide - 2009-04-13

Man, if I'd have known you could cast those spells FOR REAL, I'd have been all about the Magic cards back in my school days instead of Pokemon.

Still waiting for a mysterious satanist to show up one day and tell me how to obtain a real Bulbasaur of my very own.

Billie_Joe_Buttfuck - 2009-04-13

Not for nothing, but can anyone get these cards? I'd pay cash for the Judas Iscariot.

Dinanukht - 2009-04-13

Well, if it doesn't make you feel dirty inside for giving these people money, you can get them from the source:

I found the board game version of Redemption on a thrift store hunt for around two dollars. It's AMAZING. I'm not afraid to admit it.

CharlesSmith - 2009-04-13

"My friend played magic and everyone thought it was harmless but then he totally learned how to use magic for REAL from a WITCH!"

At least Jack Chick had the sense not to claim the story happened to a friend of his.

pastorofmuppets - 2009-04-13

That's what I thought of as well.

It's unbelievable that Jack Chick has built an empire out of selling things to people that exacerbates their schizophrenia. He's like a real life Nurse Ratched.

pastorofmuppets - 2009-04-16

I should add...in no way am I linking Christianity with a mental illness. But if you've ever read a Chick tract then you know what I meant. They're not meant for regular Christians.

Wombles - 2009-05-18

They have a point that MTG can lead to trouble; if you actually believe you can cast spells, that's pretty bad, just not in the way they think. It's stupidity that society doesn't accept.

ashtar. - 2011-08-07

That's what always gets me about christian objections to things like mtg or Hairy Potter--they think it's bad because they think magic *is* real (and evil). It's like someone writing a book about unicorns and that's really bad because unicorns are real ok and they killed this guy I knew and portraying fictional unicorns in a positive light will make kids maybe think about experimenting with real unicorns.

dreamvigile - 2009-11-08

That one guy made a lot of friends over the internet. Even his best friends.

CrimsonHyperSloth - 2010-04-05

This is so awesome.

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