Johnny Goatee at 3:05 has more then a faint whiff of I'm-not-a-dad-but-I-like-to-hug-pre-pubescent-girls about him.

Madisyn
Brittnie

100 black men?

"I read about this... in a book!"

She's so surprised she read an actual book.

Joke's on you, dad. Her boyfriend is going to pay just as much to fuck her on prom night.

Maybe I'm a jaded cynic, maybe I've been on the internet too long, but I'm willing to bet that 75% of these girls have already broken their promise... with Daddy. This is just Daddy's way to make sure that he has no competition.

Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that it's creepy for these guys to be so concerned about their offspring's vaginae. (Freud, anyone?)

"Here's hoping you don't end up a knocked up slut like your mom."

So much hilarity.

"A national Christian pop star who performed live on stage..." ...but who refused to be identified? Was there a warrant out for him?

The anecdote about stealing ties from preachers.

That weird-ass blouse the anchor has on.

"We've got 100 black men in the studio" HOO HEY I BET IT'S PRETTY CROWDED!!!

And then there's the Purity Ball itself. Those things are really really weird and creepy, especially when they're set up like a little faux wedding ceremony. I mean, that's always been an underlying if not outright stated message throughout human history, that the daughter is the father's property until he can find some kid to foist her off onto, but wowowowowowowowowoowowwow.

The host looks like a gay and British Howdy Doody.

Oh you christians and your "oh shit, it turns out we aren't sexually compatible" marriages.

People like this never fail to creep me out. I think it's because they're more artificial than a bouquet of plastic flowers.

Ennnngh.

I am convinced that this is really an unholy ritual executed in the hopes of resurrecting Sigmund Freud.

Their waifish kiwi host totally enjoyed the post-Purity Ball closeted gay dad orgy immediately following.

A hundred billion stars for the "pets and animals" category.