Holy fucking christ, imagine what it's like living next to these people and listening to them yammering at each other all day every day

Don't like. I gotta stab it. Like. Like. Fuck. God this thing's fucking huge. Quickly. Like, like like. This thing like, is fucking bigger than, like.

Oh god, then he stabs it, and has a hissy fit. Fuck these people. Can I get an amen?

OH GOD. MY MIND IS GOING. I CAN FEEL IT.

Just boil it to death already. It's got to be batter than that.

1. It helps to know that, biologically speaking, lobsters are basically oceanic cockroaches.

2. Alton Brown (may he cook forever) had a method where you just stick the lobster in a pan, put it in the freezer for about 20 minutes or so until it's nice and numb/frozen, then split its head in two with a large knife, and "the bug" will be dead without any death throes.

It's like the scene from "Annie Hall," except with stupid people.

holy shit you idiot, just freeze it first.

Pussies on youtube are gonna flagg this, fucking asshats.

Lobsters' nervous systems apparently break at about 25c, which is pretty damn cool. I don't think they'd even be able to feel being boiled if they could care about it.

Sharpen your goddamn knife, you poof. You are neither a cook nor a man.

Close your eyes and imagine they are talking about a person who is tied up and gaged. Scary.

JUST THROW IT IN THE POT