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Desc:Hollywood gives money to some videogame/matrix geek, this is the result.
Category:General Station
Tags:vampire, puberty, ultraviolet, written by a 13 year old, milla jovovich
Submitted:Riskbreaker
Date:09/08/09
Views:1993
Rating:
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Comment count is 37
baleen
SolRo, they read your script!
SolRo
it's not in anime form, dumbass

baleen
still, it must feel nice to see your vision committed to celluloid in any form.

Camonk
Can you imagine being the guy who had to fix all the misspellings?

Meatsack Jones
As the whole movie was an excuse to see Milla in sexy outfits kicking ass, I can find little wrong with this one.
chumbucket
Bayonetta?
snothouse
After the ear/gun barrel shot, I thought I was going into the next guys pocket, and out his pantleg.
Fyren
I was very impressed by ear to gun barrel.

zatojones
I'm sure this is very cool when you're 13
TeenerTot
Sorry to those of you who may be fapping to this, but this is just about the stupidest thing I've ever seen.
godot
Nephew made me watch it. After I realized it was written for 13-year olds, I managed to slightly enjoy the technical side (it has some great location selection, costumes, and some trick camera angles). I don't think I absorbed any plot-points.

crotchy
Perhaps there are briefer, purer moments of stupidity out there. But clearly a lot of people worked on this, any one of whom could presumably pointed out how spectacularly dumb it is, so that's to be congratulated I think.

sosage
Most of those people probably knew it was complete crap, but enjoy getting pay checks and were probably like, "Fuck it. It's gonna get made with or without me, so let's just space out, do our job making this ridiculous sunglasses shot sequence work and get paid".

crotchy
Anybody can turn out a half assed piece of work. This is special.

Emcee
So like what is with the Vaseline effect on the lens whenever there's a close-up of Jovovich.
Caminante Nocturno
In every fight scene in this film, her victory was entirely dependent on her opponent's comical incompetence.
Teased Vagina
Why aren't the guys all just standing still and shooting her? There's about ten of them and she's their only target, surely one of them could shoot her in the head rather than doing karate or whatever it was. 5 for the sheer gall of including this in the movie!

Cleaner82
Hundreds upon hundreds of soldiers, all borderline vegetables.

sheikurbouti
needs polish firing squad tag.
Syd Midnight
Seconded

CharlesSmith
See, if they had actually given money to video-game/matrix nerds they would have gotten a way better movie. What they did was what they always do: give money to hacks and tell them to make something that appeals to people who play video-games and like the matrix, because they've seen both those things make money.
spikestoyiu
No, it definitely would not have been better. Not in any way, shape or form.

Riskbreaker
It would had been at least funnier.

Riskbreaker
If there's any justice in the world, the movie was a flop.
Modern Angel
I saw this at my in-laws while bored one weekend. It's just so insipid it's difficult to really grasp unless you watch it yourself. And yes it was on the Sci Fi channel.
Riskbreaker
After the second or third of this kind of scenes, where Milla beats dozens of guys without a scratch, i was bored already. What's the point? If the main character is facing no danger whatsoever the audience won't about all the shinny looking cgi, gun shots and what not.

Hamhed
When I was between projects a few coworkers and I took 4+ hour lunches a few days a week to go and see movies. This was the only movie we saw that I thought was less entertaining that sitting at work doing nothing.
fluffy
Sure let's all just stand around in a circle pointing guns at the middle of the circle. Nothing could possibly go wrong if the bullet misses or even goes right through the target.
sosage
Didn't Robert De Niro poopoo this sort of shooting pattern in Ronin? Wait. Ronin. We should really be watching that instead.
oddeye
WHAT COLOUR WAS THE BOAT HOUSE!?

I just ambushed you with a cup of coffee.

This movie is one long and seriously boring teenage power-fantasy. Also no one has mentioned that she is a vampire... A fucking VAMPIRE for fucks sake.

Vaidency
So she just spun in a circle and ducked a few times and all 15 or so of her assailants shot each other while trying to hit her? It takes a real action hero to overcome enemies like that.
Cleaner82
This movie is awful. There is no tension because she just destroys everything and everyone with little to no apparent effort.

If you must, and I sympathize, find a collection of stills somewhere and save yourself the hassle.
Rodents of Unusual Size
Well, someone liked Neuromancer.
Cleaner82
I wish you hadn't drawn that line. I can sort of see it now.


Lies, lies, LIES!
These stars are for Xiphias' review.
ogmisce
that was fucking retarded
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