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Desc:And describes his ideas for their first date.
Category:Horror, General Station
Tags:girlfriend, sonichu, Chris-Chan, lack of pattern recognition
Submitted:SporkBob
Date:09/14/10
Views:1734
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Comment count is 37
The Mothership
What, no Crash Test Dummies tag?
Udderdude
This dummy has already crashed. You're just looking at the flaming wreckage.

chairsforcheap
ladies and gentlemen, the opposite thing to ever say if you want to get laid.

SteamPoweredKleenex
Wow. In that preview image, it looks like the lamp has merged with his head; I thought he was getting into really bad Klingon cosplay next...
tenten
He's gotta be fucking with everyone on some cosmic, meta scale, right? He has to be. He's some sort of galactic uber troll, right? This entire video is so perfectly awful it CAN'T be genuine. All his other stuff is believable on some level, but this? Please say it isn't real. Please.
victorm
The boy is retarded

Aelric
There has been confirmation that he is a real guy with real problems. It's not just some brilliant troll. It's perhaps the shittiest life both in performance and circumstance. This is our world. This all happens.

memedumpster
Don't say he's retarded, the retarded can have meaningful relationships.

dead_cat
He's not retarded, he has some degree of autism, plus god-knows-what, and his parents insisted on never getting him any help aside from whatever the preacher at their church could offer, and then simply indulged him at every opportunity.

dead_cat
Oops, I mean it's aspergers he is known to have.

facek
So he's got a new PS3 I take it.
RocketBlender
You know what? That shit honestly pisses me off. My drunk friend broke my PSP, and I have yet to replace it as I save what cash I can here and there for it.

Meanwhile, this fucker runs over his PS3 trying to collect a fake bounty of [Internet Joke] dollars, and has a new one within a few days thanks to the government.

Comeuppance
Yeah, but at the end of the day, you're not Chris-Chan.

This guy is Chris-Chan EVERY DAY.

mashedtater
you've known the touch of another person beside your parents and people youve brushed up against. you'll always have that over him and his many ps3s

Riskbreaker
Finally, the new season begins.
Rodents of Unusual Size
I can't bring myself to watch this right now but I'm just going to assume he's begun naming sock poppets.

rapsnacks
I NEED YOU! COME TO ME OR I WILL COME TO YOU!

I wouldn't believe any of this if I hadn't seen him in person.
kennydra
If you haven't had a first date she's not your girlfriend!

I know that's like the least of this guy's worries but seriously. I just...had to make that clear.
kwash
I think a broader distinction needs to be made in Chris's case, for example "If you've never met her, she's not your girlfriend," or perhaps "If she's actually a collaboration of several internet trolls fucking with you, she's not your girlfriend."

Jet Bin Fever
I think he's wearing his bra.
jimmicampkin
The bra makes his moobs more accentuated. I've known some fat fucks, but I've never known one with such rounded breasts.

RocketBlender
Why does he keep movies meant for a single person on YouTube?

I mean, couldn't he use skype or one of those other programs to do a direct feed to them? Not only would that save you a lot of embarrassment, but if your video showed up on youtube after the skype session, then you know without any doubt they're a troll...
wtf japan
Once there was this guy who

drew some pics of Sonichu and refused to get a job

But when his parents finally died

He had to live in government housing

Of course he's still a virgin

Cause growing up is so hard

egglab
stars for you.

takewithfood
*lighter*

phalsebob
That's quite witty. You could have used that mental energy to bake a brand new kind of cake, or figure out a new and exciting way to masturbate, but instead you used it to mock a retard.

Lindner
Yeah. That's why we love wtfjapan. Making those hard descisions with his precious mental energies.

I may have to settle for one of the hundreds of varieties of cake out there or the thousands of varieties of self abuse, but at least I'll have this moment thinking about Chris-Chan being put in the hands of trained professionals. Or maybe just blowing himself up trying to cook a hot pocket for himself.

... I want cake now.

Smellvin
I thought I'd share something I read on one of these videos. The commenter made the argument that Mr. Chan was a village idiot but not just for a village. In fact, he has gone well beyond that level. He is, at the very least, a NATIONAL idiot if not the Mr. Universe of said category. Given his *perfection* at being whatever it is he is, I'd have to agree.
Lindner
"I'd be down for... way over a month. I don't want to think about it."

Truly she means the world to him.
Nikon
He'd just Crash Into Slumber and pout for about a day, then perhaps write her death into his Sonichu comic. After that he'd be fine -

no, he'd be back to nominal.

"I'd do so much for our first date! I'd make the screen turn white! And then we'd lose our virginities to each other."

Riskbreaker
AND IT WILL BE AWESOME

Stopheles
I don't think anyone could possibly complete you, Chris, unless they used a time machine to go back and convince your mother to take an Omega-3 supplement while gestating you.
mashedtater
if marty mcfly could save him, if you had a time machine, would you save chris chan from this fate?

CharlesSmith
I like the "lack of pattern recognition" tag.
dead_cat
5 for the insanity. I don't know how Chris does it, but he keeps on topping himself.
jimmicampkin
I love the pause and the deranged look after the words "make out..."

Also, this video becomes infinitely more horrifying if you see it not through the lens of a webcam but imagine it is through the eyes of at least ten women all called Jacqueline tied to chairs and gagged.
Quad9Damage
Crash Test Dummies.
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