I'm gonna take you to the bank. The blood bank.

Don't fuck with a lawyer.

Brilliant.

Being the living-dead, I'm sure he has time to review laws from the 70s and foreclose his own bank. That's what I'd do with my limitless time. I'd make masterful plans and execute them. Daily... err, nightly.

If banks are going to be foreclosed upon, I want it to be done by fang-wearing goth dorks for the added humiliation factor.

Fox only sees race, gender, social class, religion and political identification. They have no problem with soulless, undead monsters that prey on the weak by sucking the life out of them and turning then into mindless servants. Fox does it all the time and this guy fits in.

Not seen: him being ambushed by a team of vampire hunters outside of the studio, and escaping.

I lost it at "Hey how are ya?" and the wave... stars for that part alone.

This could of been a perfect Fox or Onion game submission. Why did you waste this submission?!

I don't know, sprawling Wallachian castle for tasteful Bavarian-style Cape Cod seems like a trade down to me. I guess we all went a little crazy during the real estate bubble.

So that's what it takes.

I know this guy. His fangs are permanent, and he's got a blood phobia. I never thought he'd be clever enough to do this.

I vant to sue your bank!

Fangtastic.

Ah, Patrick. This dude is like forty or so and hosts a weekly goth/industrial night here in Philadelphia by the name of "Nocturne" (don't miss the "Midnight Mosh"!). He really, really loves young girls.

A hero of our generation, and many many generations before as well.

I was expecting a metaphor.

This is the best goddamn thing Fox has ever covered.