Final Fantasy XIII - Start Your Engines

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Comment count is 28

Triggerbaby

- 2011-03-16

A swirly in a toilet full of neon bullshit.

SteamPoweredKleenex

- 2011-03-16

"One of the most self-indulgent and masturbatory cutscenes in a videogame ever."

Until the next Final Fantasy game. Or the next Devil May Cry installment. Or just about any other JRPG.

Xenocide - 2011-03-16

Or until the next Call of Duty. Or the next Bulletstorm-style "look how edgy I am" action title.

It's actually kind of amazing how self-indulgent game creators become if you give them any sort of a budget.

FABIO - 2011-03-16

I never got all the hate for Devil May Cry. How anyone could not take it as tongue in cheek I do not know.

Is it the whole "God Hand syndrome" thing?

Adramelech

- 2011-03-16

God only knows FABIO.

You figure Dante and Agnus delivering a Shakespearean dialogue would be ridiculous enough to tell people this is supposed to be a parody, but apparently not.

A lot of the hate for over-the-top Eastern games/animation stems from people not realizing it isn't supposed to be taken seriously to begin with.

poorwill - 2011-03-16

This is true, but when people try this shit on in an attempt to defend Metal Gear Solid I see red. Farting on tits in the middle of an eight hour speech about why war is terrible does not get you off the hook - quite the contrary.

FABIO - 2011-03-16

"Farting on tits during an 8 hour anti-war speech" is the best description of Metal Gear Solid I've seen.

First one was good though. As long as he has some editors to reign him in, Hideo can pump out some amazing stuff.

Xenocide

- 2011-03-16

LET US HONOR OUR FALLEN SOLDIERS WITH THIS GAY FRENCH RE-IMAGINING OF MARIO KART.

Final Fantasy has become a sad little parody of itself. There was a time (we called it the 90's) when I swore by this franchise, but now I'm actually rather enjoying watching it self-destruct in the wake of this game, and the abortion that is FF 14.

Bonus points for only letting the player interact with the most boring part of that sequence.

FABIO - 2011-03-16

Fact: FF14 bombed so bad that Square had to reduce their quarterly profit prediction by over 90%.

It's pretty much their biggest disaster since Spirits Within.

fatatty - 2011-03-16

Will there finally be a final Final Fantasy? Fine by me.

FABIO

- 2011-03-16

Jesus, this is almost exactly one of the scenes Charlie Kaufman's idiot brother wrote for his over the top cliche script in Adaptation.

We've reached the bottom of the barrel, and it is a character named Lightning that shoots lightning.

FeeFiFoFoTheFifeFifeBrown - 2011-03-16

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090728/

FABIO - 2011-03-16

They never said his name in the movie.

DOESN'T COUNT

StanleyPain

- 2011-03-16

What the shit is going on here??

Caminante Nocturno

- 2011-03-16

Slightly less gay than Nascar.

Dirty Sanchez

- 2011-03-16

I'm pretty sure whatever junk they churn out these days is better than Final Fantasy 8

jyrque

- 2011-03-16

It manages to be even worse. Oh yeah. It's that bad.

NewHeavenSalesman

- 2011-03-16

Someone on POE-News said it before, but I'm pretty glad Square didn't have this technology available when they released Final Fantasy 6.

poorwill

- 2011-03-16

I kind of want to see Doomtrain being suplexed in this style. That's it though.

klingerbgoode

- 2011-03-16

It's symbolic

of turds

chumbucket

- 2011-03-16

oh Japan, please stop doing this

minimalist

- 2011-03-16

Am I just getting old because I can barely even visually track what the fuck is going on. It's all quick cuts and shiny shit and robot horses and what the fuck.

I feel like an old man in a theater trying to watch Transformers 2 and asking nobody in particular in a too-loud voice WHO'S THAT

WHY ARE THEY SHOUTING

WHAT'S THAT RACKET

WHERE ARE ALL THOSE SPARKS COMING FROM

HA HA HA HELLO HORSEY

oddeye - 2011-03-16

It's just cause of the quality of the video and the size of the computer screen. Honest.

oddeye - 2011-03-16

Transformers: Horses in Disguise

Subfuscious

- 2011-03-16

I don't know, RomancingTrain.

That was actually pretty hard to masturbate to.

Riskbreaker

- 2011-03-16

Here's the big problem, many game developers should realize once and for all that telling stories is not their main strenght. Just because you can direct the programmers, and created a character and a world where he/she can move doesn't mean you can now tell a full story. It's like having a novel writer programing a game. Video games are not movies, but the shiny lights of hollywood, and all the possible boobs the could grab, are too tempting for many vg developers.

Nikon

- 2011-03-17

I loved FFVI, FFVII, Chrono Trigger, and the original Tactics back in the 90's but Square sure has gone to shit since then.

Killer Joe

- 2016-06-23

It's a race!
To honor the fallen!
Oh look, unauthorized assholes are jumping in and killing the racers! With swords! Because... uh...
And now they're killing guards that were trying to protect the racers and spectators!

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