These folks have access to a special, propriety process which adds extra electrons to water molecules! (even though such a process would effectively re-write physics and chemistry)

You mean it's salt water?

Sorry, from now on it's strictly tap.

Last year I had all these Catholic people telling me, check out this water, it's holy. So I drank it when they weren't looking, and I had diarrhea for the rest of the week.

Our precious bodily fluids are still not safe!

"Later in this program, I will introduce you to a doctor that will PROVE what I'm selling you is true!"

Sorry blondie, it doesn't work like that.

I loved you in Days of Our Lives as 'cop/guard/Officer Davis' Dr. Larit!

"name brand waters"

All stars for Courtney's reaction to the science stick at 6:00

I would love to beat Dr Dean's face into a pulp. This kind of thing drives me absolutely insane.

A CG car and a jogging outfit aren't going to distract me from your shitty scam, lady.

Oh doc-tuh, now that the water is safe, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions.

I wondered what he was doing with an ORP meter, so I researched it. Turns out that there's a grain of truth in this otherwise amazing lie. An ORP meter, in a way, does measure the positive or negative charge in the water. It does this, however, to determine how many oxidizing agents are in the water versus contaminants. It's a measure of how well the water is being kept clean. A value of zero means that there is an exact balance between oxidizing components and contamination components, which is bad since if you add contamination in this state then the water gets dirty. The standard for clean tap water in the USA is 650. This means that, in terms of keeping itself clean, real water either has something in it confusing the ORP meter, or it is filthy to the point of being dangerous to drink at -500. The grain is that as water's ORP goes up, it gets positively charged.

This is an amusing take on the vegetarian scam wherein all meat is acidic, all fruit and vegetables are basic, and the more basic your blood is the healthier you are.