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Comment count is 34
RocketBlender - 2011-12-31

At the end of GOW2, I thought Kratos was about the dumbest video game character of all time.

For those that don't know the game, he was given the chance to unravel the tapestry of fate, and turn back time to any point he deemed.

He could, for example, go back in time to before Zeus killed him at the beginning of the game and warn himself about what would happen. He could have gone back to the point when he killed his family that still haunts his dreams, or if he was really smart, he could have gone WAY back to before he made a bargain that changed everything for him in the first place.

What does he do? He time jumps to literally seconds AFTER Zeus kills him, taking a second crack at it, and fails to kill him a second time, thanks in part to Athena's intervention.

Somehow, they managed to make the story of GOW3 even dumber than that, complete with the goddess of wisdom being a bigger dumbass than Kratos somehow.

MacGyver Style Bomb - 2011-12-31

Kratos is too angry to think things out to that level.

Riskbreaker - 2011-12-31

Why is this franchise so popular? Is about as generic as it gets in every single area.

StanleyPain - 2011-12-31

It's a third person action game that appeals to the CoD kind of crowd. Lots of angry yelling and ripping things' heads off and interpreting these classic myths as Michael Bay fever dreams on copious amounts of Red Bull and Monster, and it requires no subtlety in the gameplay (press X a lot to do things). They can also re-hash it routinely with slight changes and have each one declared a modern masterpiece or something.

StanleyPain - 2011-12-31

Oh, and there's lots of titties which convinces "gamerz" that it's "mature."

garcet71283 - 2011-12-31

Strangely though, Duke Nukem Forever hits all those points as well, but is panned in reviews for being "old" and the titties are dismissed as "misogynistic" and "sexist"

Riskbreaker - 2011-12-31

Indeed garcet, that's, as usual with the vg media, their way of showing what a bunch of hacks and lap dogs they are of the big studios and big franchises. Showing that "reviews" are just marketing tools for promoting certain games, and nothing more.

Maru - 2012-04-03

if you can't tell the difference between the new duke nukem game and any god of war game, then you don't play video games.

namtar - 2011-12-31

So in this game you beat an old man to death so badly they had to censor parts of it out.

Stay classy video game industry.

MacGyver Style Bomb - 2011-12-31

Well, he did gouge out Poseidon's eyes, chopped off Hermes's legs, literally ripped off Helios' head and pounded Hercules' head into ground beef.

I think by the time they got to Zeus, the developers kinda ran out of ways for Kratos to fuck shit up.

poorwill - 2011-12-31

The beating-the-shit-out-of-Zeus scene is beyond self-parody.
Just a screen completely covered in blood except for a trophy notification and a little image of the button the game is telling you to press over and over to win.

Vicious - 2013-04-14

You know, I played and enjoyed both Manhunt games, but watching God of War cutscenes honestly just makes me feel sad and repulsed.

poorwill - 2011-12-31

God of War is the worst game I have ever played.

William Topaz McGonagall - 2011-12-31

Not to be that guy, but I thought at the end of the first game, it showed Kratos watching over all the wars in history from Ghengis Khan to Napolean to Hitler and all that shit. Doesn't this sort of negate that?

RocketBlender - 2011-12-31

Yeah, it totally does. God of War was a fun game, the sequels only made it stupid.

TheDevilsDictionary - 2011-12-31

GoW on God difficulty was a blast. Never played the sequels. Good thing, it would seem.

Caminante Nocturno - 2011-12-31

I remember how my interest in God of War died the instant I saw the ending to the 2nd one. It takes a lot of balls to end your game with a shameless sequel hook, and not the good kind of balls.

RocketBlender - 2011-12-31

I hate that in all games 'ballsy' enough to try it, even got annoyed with Mass Effect 2 over it.

Anyway, the worst one I can think of is Prey, a game in development for so long some of the very first Penny Arcade strips were making fun of how long it was taking, before it's eventual Xbox 360 release. Despite it's 12-or-so year development cycle, they didn't have the decency to give it a real ending. If they think I'm waiting another 12 years for another shitty game they're nuts.

Sudan no1 - 2011-12-31

I blame the GoWs for turning every video game protagonist into a roid-raging dipshit.

Caminante Nocturno - 2011-12-31

The second the screen turns red and you can't see anything, the game starts sounding incredibly vulgar.

Binro the Heretic - 2011-12-31

The only good to ever come out of this series is Kratos' appearance in "Manly Guys doing Manly Things".




Meerkat - 2011-12-31

Destroying your lungs makes you breathe heavy. Good to know.

Xenocide - 2011-12-31

Oh, thank God. I was afraid I was the only person who disliked these games.

I made it about halfway through the first one before I just completely lost my will to keep going. The whole game consists of pressing X until you've killed fifty monsters, then doing a puzzle that feels like it was cut from a Zelda game for being too tedious, then repeating these two steps indefinitely.

Best of all, with all the splendor and potential of a Greek mythological setting at their disposal, they choose to set most of the game in the world's most boring, unending dungeon.

Riskbreaker - 2011-12-31

It's almost every single bad habit of modern games all rolled into one:

-Constant use of cutscenes, and the game always forces you to watch them
-Terrible story that takes itself way too serious
-Annoying QTE that just throw random buttons at the player
-Long ass boss battles, where skill is not rewarded, but repetition, repeating the same attacks over and over
-Tedious combat system, you end up repeating the same one or two effective moves over and over

FABIO - 2011-12-31

All it needs to be complete is a cover system and deep throated endorsement of fascist military/police actions.

Anonymous - 2011-12-31

Someone needs to come up with a tag that sums up the banality of modern big budget video games.

RocketBlender - 2011-12-31

Can't wait to see it as a linked tag.

FABIO - 2011-12-31

Triple Ass title

Riskbreaker - 2011-12-31


Is the shortest i could think of

memedumpster - 2011-12-31


Udderdude - 2011-12-31

Hollywood gaming syndrome?

Pillager - 2011-12-31


memedumpster - 2011-12-31

Obviously this a representation of Aristotle's exploration of being as the manifold details of the phenomenal universe as opposed to being as a transcendent concept of the whole of the generated everything, and calls into question the nature of becoming as similar, and separate, from being itself. Or, as Perimedes stated in GoW I, "RAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!"

Sexy Duck Cop - 2014-05-06

My video games are smart but these other video games are dumb.

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