The Road Buddies

5 intrepid pals hit the road to find a puppy haven in an apocalyptic wasteland.

"Hey guys, are those a bunch of other puppies down there?"

"Quiet Butterball! We need to see what's happening!"

(sound of buzzsaws and squeals)

"We better high TAIL it out of here!"

"Before WE become kibbles and bits!"

just got off the phone with bob inger, real productive, lots of good ideas bouncing around there.

spy buddies: ruffcon one. maybe filmed in real time?
fashion buddies: lots of opportunities for wacky dog costumes, maybe a prissy chihuahua voiced by selena gomez?
vegas buddies: butterball turns out to be poker prodigy, faces off against the dread cincinatti pup. need to check with mpaa re:puppies gambling in g rated film.
time buddies: the pups find a time traveling doghouse, comedic possibilities are endless. puppy in a napoleon hat?!

Freedom Puppies (G) 2014

In a time, when men were men...

(shot of Revolutionary soldiers walking by in slow mo with bayonets)

In a TIME, when all hope seemed LOST...

George Washington: "We must not let the British win!"

(shot of a crowd watching worriedly as the news of the war is being read out. pan in on puppy sitting front and center)

In a TIME, when the only thing coming between our FREEDOM and tyranny was...PUPPIES (record skip)

Puppy: "Did someone say something about training?"

(cue inappropriate Snoop Dog "Bow Wow Wow" rap song, sanitized for youth. Puppies are seen in mini revolutionary uniforms and sunglasses)

Puppy 2: "We're gonna show the British how to have a real tea party!"

(puppies are shown crashing a fancy tea party for rich people and eating all their cookies)

Benjamin Franklin: "I AINT DOWN WITH THAT, DAWG!"

FREEDOM BUDDIES

Puppy 1: "Did I mention I was trained in the art of water torture?" (camera pans to British soldier with arms tied up in a barn. Pup pees on top of British soldier's head.)

Puppy 2: "Good thing we drank all that tea earlier!"

(explosions for no good reason)

John Adams: "Perhaps on this day, my dear wife, a pup shall show us man's true providence."

(patriotic music from various Westerns)

(introduce Hessian pup with German accent, stereotypical Iroquois pup with feather headdress and wampum bead necklace, and French poodle who is spying for her mistress, a French duchess)

(more explosions as the puppies commandeer a ship filled with cannons they have somehow lit)

Puppy 2: "Looks like they're gonna have a bad day...drowning in the ocean in the middle of winter!"

Iroquois pup: "WE NO LIKUM BRITISH UNLESS THEY GIVUM SEASHELLS AND BONES FOR DIGGING. HOW."

Hessian pup: "How about what? Why you ask how Mein Pup? Time for adventure! I keel ze British for zey do to mein Hessian master, roasting him over an open flame!"

(shot of Hessians being roasted alive)

FREEDOM BUDDIES

DEATH CAMP BUDDIES

bunch of innocent puppies get abducted to another country to work night and day on a movie set, only to die horrible deaths from easily-prevented doggie diseases.

Oh, wait, that was "Snow Buddies".

I like how those films must have been produced over so many years that the idiot sucker kids that grew up on the first ones have had time enough to develop to the point where, even with their idiot-sucker IQs, they will realize that they are idiot suckers when they see the trailers for the most recent ones.

It's rare that karma works out so well. So well, except that idiot suckers don't really need it rubbed in, being idiot suckers and all.

Thank you - I'm glad I'm not the only one who knows the Bud* film lineage.

To catch the followers of Anubis, the jackal-headed god.