Without the tags, this would not be recognizable as the Onion, this is pretty bad. Onion needs to fire their nerd writers and get the Sex House people on this.
The commercial was great, and this is easy 5 stars for capturing how douchey tech people actually talk when they're trying to sell some stupid shit to someone who knows nothing about computers.
It's hit-and-miss and high on premise like The Onion _has always been_, but the "one thousand" joke and delivery at the end is easily worth five stars.