yea.

yupp.

Cobra Commander's not such a bad guy. Sure, he's a terrorist, but he paid for his pilots to have the best goddamn ejector seat system ever built. Cobra's got dudes parachuting safely out of planes even AFTER they explode. They really value safety in that organization.

Also, most of Cobra's terrorist plans involve stuff like sending a dude to wipe GI Joe's windows or forming a terrible rock band. So in the grand scheme they're basically Team Rocket with lasers.

Cobra's real scheme is to spread European-style socialistic worker safety regulations to the USA.

They also have a system of resorts and recreational facilities reaching to even the farthest corners of the world. Billiards, ping pong, fine dining, live entertainment, even an olympic sized swimming pool. The only catch is you have to wear your battle helmet AT ALL TIMES. Now THAT'S a commitment to safety.

They also outsource some of their more dangerous work to a group of Thunderdome inspired Australians. If you have an identical twin you're also easily going to breeze through the ranks. Only downside: if you're a Ninja you are wearing white. So you better be a damned good Ninja to compensate for being easily seen.

ACTUALLY, Cobra didn't send anyone to wipe the Joes' windows.

Their plans just somehow mystically managed to coincide with the innocent utterances of a window wiper who pronounced his profession "viper."

Which is still less stupid than the pink balloons with Cobra Commander's chrome-helmeted face on them filled with happy-go-crazy gas.

Actually, Sosage, Cobra has a rule in its bylaws that allows them to only deploy ninjas on snowy mountaintops or during blizzards. So really, they were just being practical with Storm Shadow's outfit.

I recommend GI Joe: Resolute.

It was a series of shorts that aired on Adult Swim a while back and served as a decent bookend to the series with a bunch of kill-offs, Cobra getting shit done, and GI Joe finally deciding they need to kill Cobra Commander.

I'm so pleased to hear I'm not the only Shipwreck fan out there. There's No Place Like Springfield was legitimately amazing and haunts me to this day.

Frogs in winter, indeed.

I hugely second GI Joe Resolute - fucking fantastic & mature take on the show.

Shipwreck was easily my favorite character as a kid, mainly because he got into crazy ass situations.

I watched the first 10 or so episodes a year or two ago and was genuinely shocked that it was a continual narrative. More so than Transformers. If you skipped one episode, you missed a lot of important information on why they were doing what they are doing. I always thought they were just random adventures.

The only episode I can remember is the one where the Joes meet their soviet counterparts.

It was weird because Michael Bell voiced both duke and the soviet team leader, basically the same voice with a russian accent.

Of course, he was also one of the main Cobra bad guys, I forget which.

Maybe that'd be a good use for outfits like Blackwater. Just find another group of loonies, tell each side the other is the bad guy, and orchestrate made-up showdowns out over nuclear test ranges and the problem solves itself.