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John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-02-11


Nick Fury, retired, is approached to return to duty to take down agents of the terrorist organization HYDRA, led by the children of Baron Wolfgang von Strucker, an old enemy of his. HYDRA has reconstituted a pathogen known as the Death's Head virus, and threatens to attack Manhattan with it, barring payment of US billion."

Death's Head Virus? Sounds pretty severe. It's a TV movie, so Nick probably doesn't get to talk about how he's too old for this shit.

You might think otherwise, but I am NOT too old for this shit. Gotta get my hands on this awesome movie!

Kabbage - 2013-02-11

No way this is not the most entertaining movie since Commando

Killer Joe - 2013-02-11

Some of the things I think remember about the magic.

He has an eye behind the patch, but it's a ROBOT EYE! THAT'S ALSO A BOMB!

The helpful scrolling signs that tell which video phone/TV each remote office or world leader the bad guy is talking to.

Nick gets a FEVER! But they put him in a FREEZER so he's ok while everyone else is FREEZING!

And that's what I recall from seeing parts of this in syndication. Thank you.

Hooker - 2013-02-11

He was actually put in a microwave oven, not a freezer. That led to a bunch of close-up shots of Hasselhoff's bronzed, sweaty, KFC-like skin.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-02-11

>> That led to a bunch of close-up shots of Hasselhoff's bronzed, sweaty, KFC-like skin.

Anything else would be a lost opportunity.

Sadly, the multi-part submission didn't work, but Part 1 of 5 is in the hopper, and i'm watching this RIGHT NOW!

Gmork - 2013-02-11

Should have casted kurt russell - nobody wears an eyepatch like him.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-02-11

David Hasselhoff really looks like the guy in the comic book that I grew up with.

http://goodcomics.comicbookresources.com/wp-content/uploads/20 11/nfury4.jpg

I found an article where Hasselhoff claims that Stan lee called him "The Ultimate Nick Fury, and I find that completely credible.

http://movieline.com/2012/05/25/david-hasselhoff-avengers-nick -fury-samuel-jackson/

You know, back in the sxties, there was a World War 2 backstory for Nick Fury. I can't remember much about it. It was a pretty popular comic book.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-02-11

Link's not working. I'll copy the text:

Interviews || By: Jen Yamato || May 25, 2012 11:20 AM EST
David Hasselhoff: I Was ‘The Ultimate Nick Fury’
Comments: 25 || Add Yours
David Hasselhoff - Nick Fury

Although Samuel L. Jackson has played S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Nick Fury in Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America, and the record-breaking Avengers, his portrayal of the cigar-chomping Marvel Comics government agent isn’t definitive to everyone. Like, say, to David Hasselhoff — Baywatch legend, Knight Rider icon, and star of the upcoming Piranha 3DD — who donned Fury’s signature eye patch and scowl in his own 1998 telefilm, earned Stan Lee’s blessing, and claims that his is the “ultimate” Nick Fury.

“I didn’t see The Avengers yet,” Hasselhoff admitted to Movieline while discussing his appearance — as David Hasselhoff — in the R-rated sequel Piranha 3DD. “I love Sam Jackson, but you know… my Nick Fury was the organic Nick Fury that was written and discussed with Stan Lee before anyone got in there to change it. Nick Fury was written to be tongue-in-cheek, and he had a cigar in his mouth, he was a tough guy — he was cool.”

Hasselhoff says he had earned Lee’s praise for his turn as Fury, who comes out of retirement in the 1998 film Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. to battle HYDRA. So he was a little miffed to learn the character would be portrayed by someone else — even if that someone was Jackson.

“Stan Lee said, ‘You’re the ultimate Nick Fury,’” he remembered. “Avi Arad, when they bought it, said, ‘Don’t worry, you’re going to be the Nick Fury forever,’ and they lied. [Pause] But that happens to me all the time. That’s when you realize life isn’t fair.”

Hasselhoff, meanwhile, has been trying to revive another of his past projects anew — not Baywatch (alas!), but Knight Rider — his popular '80s series co-starring a tricked-out, artificially intelligent car named KITT. Numerous attempts to revive the series in film and television form have been made in the years since Knight Rider went off the air (including, most recently, a 2008 TV series that lasted one season), but the latest iteration — a film adaptation, currently at the Weinstein Co. — is what Hasselhoff has his sights set on.

In fact, he told Movieline, it’s the Weinstein Co.’s Knight Rider film that helped entice Hasselhoff to take part in Piranha 3DD. “Bob Weinstein called me and said, ‘Come on, man — if you do this movie and it does really well, I’ll put you in Scary Movie,” Hasselhoff said, "'and then we own Knight Rider, maybe we can put you in the Knight Rider movie…’”

Still, Hasselhoff wouldn’t mind finding his way back into the Marvel fold — perhaps in Avengers 2? “I had a blast playing Nick Fury,” he said. “And if it ever came back and Nick Fury has a brother — Dick Fury? — I’d be there.”

Follow Jen Yamato on Twitter.
Follow Movieline on Twitter.

Gmork - 2013-02-11

I'm sorry all I heard was dick fury

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-02-12

Dick Furry

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-02-11

I'm about halfway through this movie, and i love it. The characters are boilerplate, the acting is bad, the accents are hilarious, but it's tight. it moves right along. Great fun.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-02-11

So I watched the version of the movie that's currently in the hopper and at the end of Part 5, the movie wasn't over.

So I hobbled together this playlist with the help of another channel.


I was pretty lucky. This is the whole movie, with maybe a minute or less overlapping between part 5 and part 6.

I'm posting this here for the benefit of anyone who might be trying to watch the movie like I was, while it's still in the hopper. I'll post it in the comments of the full movie page if it get out of the hopper (it seems likely), or someone else can do it if I'm not around. I'm not too experienced with youtube playlists, so bear with me.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-02-11

Whole lotta nonsense in the YouTube comments about how Nick Fury is supposed to be white.

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