You know what kind of food is shaped like dicks? The best kind.

Tell your guests that you're serving egg rolls.

They bite through the skin to find one of those things.

They will all stare blankly at their plates. No one will laugh.

In the future, all food will come on a stick.

Unable to crack an egg into a frying pan, but cracking it into a 3" opening is no problem.

Also these products (this, the eggwave) make me sad. Yes, cooking eggs to order perfectly is hard. What's so terrible about practicing and getting better at something? Not to mention you miss out on that small sense of accomplishment from doing a task properly.

I find the shape of cooked eggs confusing and strange. I want all my food to be cylindrical.

It poops cooked eggs upward.

Combine this with the Popiel inside-the-eggshell egg scrambler.

Goes great with Pleasure Toast.