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Comment count is 42
EvilHomer - 2013-05-22

Normally I'd be upset by this, but you know what? Fuck it. If this is the sort of garbage it takes to break my lifelong love of vidyagames, so be it. Thanks, Xbox, for doing what swirlies, Lieberman, and my dad could not.

I'm going outside.

RocketBlender - 2013-05-22

That's kind of where I stand. This is the first time in god only knows how long it's been since I genuinely have NOT wanted every console on the market. Thanks, Microsoft!

chumbucket - 2013-05-23

Agreed. Feels good to know I won't be running out and spending money I barely have.

chumbucket - 2013-05-23

By the way, my 360 was given to my by Microsoft for working on the processor. So I kind of got dumped into console gaming. It feels kind of good to step away a bit on this next round.

IrishWhiskey - 2013-05-22

Microsoft got into the console race so they could have a home entertainment system, the PC connected to your TV that brings you media and sells you products on a Microsoft controlled closed distribution system.

CoD and EA sports will convince most gamers to bring an overpriced monthly subscription DVR into their homes, and the motion features are for families who aren't otherwise gamers. All sorts of traditional gamers are complaining they won't buy one, but they aren't the desired market anyway. Besides next-big console exclusive that comes out, they'll jump back on board.

SolRo - 2013-05-22

Sony and MS have for the most part reversed roles for the next generation, the PS4 looks more gamer focused while the Xbox1 looks like home entertainment equipment (even going so far as to eliminate the trademark green in the logo on the console).

But you're right, the console exclusive titles are what will make one or the other the "gamer" console. So far it looks to be the PS4 because developers are liking the simpler PC-based hardware architecture that should be easier to code games for and port them to PC and vice versa.

The franchise that actually made me buy a 360 was Mass Effect and that seems to be over now. I never got a PS3 but PS4 might be my next console if the good games are there.

Adham Nu'man - 2013-05-22

There's a few choices they made that I don't particularly like (no backwards compatibility, internet connection REQUIRED) but I think consoles becoming an all-purpose entertainment hub is the way of the future. In that sense I think Sony is dead and this will probably be immensely popular and at some point down the line I'll probably buy one.

I own a PS3 mind you, and I prefer Sony's "online free without shitty ads" setup rather than Xbox's "pay to be on our servers AND get advertisements". I just think Microsoft is in a better position to win this round.

I might (and hope to) be wrong.

Hooker - 2013-05-22

I only play NHL ## on my Xbox. I am looking forward to not having to pay a year to do that any more.

Deplorable - 2013-05-22

The last console (and who knows, probably last) I bought was the Wii, and only because you can finagle free games onto it so it's a bit more cost effective. I can't even imagine owning one of these.

Xenocide - 2013-05-22

I'm in the exact same boat you are. I still have a huge backlog of Wii titles I want to play, (well, huge by the standards of someone who takes about four months to get through a Zelda) before I even think of getting another console. And considering how much I actually play games these days, I might not ever bother. 90% of my Wii's power-on time is used for Netflix, anyway.

And if I do get a new console, it'll be a Ps3, so I can spend the next few years working through THAT backlog, without having to deal with any modern DRM bullshit.

Deplorable - 2013-05-22

My Wii is currently in a storage unit several states away, so yeah, I won't get getting on that any time soon.

Also I haven't had a TV in years, since I have a large enough laptop I don't really need one.

Nikon - 2013-05-22

Yes, it is the call of doody.

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-05-22

I liked vinesauce's version too:

These things really capture the sadness of the whole event.

Scrotum H. Vainglorious - 2013-05-22


RockBolt - 2013-05-22

Do they not know Call of Duty is going to be released on everything with a screen anyway

Nominal - 2013-05-22

Wow. Has it already been 7 years since "giant enemy crab"?

dairyqueenlatifah - 2013-05-22

That's exactly what this reminded me of. But worse.

I mean at least that was funny.

Mr. Purple Cat Esq. - 2013-05-22

Heres whats inside it..

http://www.anandtech.com/show/6972/xbox-one-hardware-compared- to-playstation-4/2

Its like a slightly old cheap gaming pc

Mr. Purple Cat Esq. - 2013-05-22


dairyqueenlatifah - 2013-05-22

Wow. So it's the less powerful box, on top of everything else wrong with it.

I'm thoroughly convinced that Microsoft flat out doesn't give a shit about the core gamer audience anymore. It's all about chatting on Skype and managing your fantasy football blog while you watch The Price is Right now.

Rafiki - 2013-05-22

http://www.p4rgaming.com/activision-youll-cry-in-call-of-duty-ghos ts-when-we-kill-off-the-dog/

EvilHomer - 2013-05-22

Oh god that's perfect.

Poor Seymour. :(

Xenocide - 2013-05-22

Nintendo is already capitalizing on this new trend with the recently announced 3DS title, "Nintendogs: They All Have Terminal Cancer."

Caminante Nocturno - 2013-05-23

Okay, how much of that article is real?

Caminante Nocturno - 2013-05-22

I already have a computer.

EvilHomer - 2013-05-22

But can you watch TV on your computer?

SolRo - 2013-05-22

Having a hard time watching TV on my TV, since most of the cheap to mid-range ones start dying after a year or two.

Xenocide - 2013-05-22

But can your computer deliver high-resolution scans of an actual dog?

sosage - 2013-05-22

Unless you're typing that from the world's next water cooler, I don't want to hear another gawd damned word about your fucking computer.

boner - 2013-05-22

For every Xbox that is sold, Apple sells something like 50 iPads.

StanleyPain - 2013-05-22

So the Giant Enemy Crab has been replaced with "Dog."

dairyqueenlatifah - 2013-05-22

In other hilarious news, Sony's stock spiked right after this terrible conference took place.

Spaceman Africa - 2013-05-22

The first console generation where I don't buy any of them.

Gmork - 2013-05-23

Yeah. Good thing I started as a PC gamer, this is just a return to form. Well actually I never left, GTA IV rocks my socks.

Sad, I would have bought the next xbox if it werent for all the glaring horribleness.

Heres one reason why the specs arent beefed out like the ps4's though: The "constant internet" thing will be a developer-choice platform for using the "INFINITE COMPUTING POWER OF THE CLOUD" to make up for your xbox's shittiness. I'm not kidding. Developers will actually code games to use cloud computing power to make up for selling you a shittier console with tons of drawbacks.



Maru - 2013-05-22

He definitely said TB one of those times, so definitely will not buy.

fluffy - 2013-05-23

colla doody

Quad9Damage - 2013-05-23

Xbox One New Retail Copy Per Console Only, Unless You Pay Us a Fee.

Microsoft is doing surprisingly well with their business model of charging their customers for what others offer for nothing. I mean they've already established that wonderful annual subscription plan for Office 2013. They already make their users pay a $ 60 annual Gold fee to watch video streaming services that are already being paid for monthly. They already charge developers $ 40,000 per patch (although I'm not sure if Sony does the same thing, so maybe that doesn't count?)

Hell, I guess I shouldn't be shocked that Microsoft's next goal is to cripple the used game market and stuff their pockets. On the other hand, fuck Xbox One. I'll just Goo Gone up my Super Nintendo if this is the way console gaming is going.

memedumpster - 2013-05-23

Finally, Microsoft is trying to do something about the glut of embarrassing gamers it puked out its birth canal screaming into the world.

Mofunzone has always been superior to Xbox anyway.

Gmork - 2013-05-23

hahahaha you've never played trials evolution

really that game is the only thing that needs to exist for the 360 in order for it to be worth having. that game is fucking nuts, and puts shame to any of that flash/shockwave popcap arcade nonsense you're talking about meme

memedumpster - 2013-05-23

Is it better than Fantastic Contraption? Be honest, there's no shame in it.

Riskbreaker - 2013-05-24

Go home and be an expensive family mulibullshit system.

Suedeo - 2013-05-27

The marketing is getting slicker, the products are getting worse. 5 for Evil!

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