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Comment count is 30
FABIO - 2013-08-07

Was it FF8 where jrpgs turned all anime j-pop crap?

Sexy Duck Cop - 2013-08-07

Yes. I have very distinct memories of the 12 year-old me thinking Final Fantasy VII was the greatest work of art in human history and looking forward to a long and fruitful relationship with the series. Thirteen year-old me became disillusioned very, very quickly.

Fuck Rinoa.

kingofthenothing - 2013-08-07

I never meant to play any final fantasy games after 7. I was still so mad about not bringing Aeris back. They brought back Crono for crying out loud, and he sucked. It wouldn't have been hard to maguffin up some Materia/Lifestream reason to let her return.

I wouldn't have played 8 if I hadn't got it for Christmas.

I feel like 8 was made as a fuck you to regular FF players. It was so bassackwards from every game they made before that. There's no armor. There's no magic points. You keep the same weapon throughout the whole game but if you get some parts if you're lucky you can slightly increase it's damage output, but never by all that much. Summoning is a complete waste of time. You have spells as items that are linked to your stats, and since those stats only stay high if you have a high number of spells, you never end up actually using those spells. The real way to power was to run away from most encounters to keep your levels low, so all the monsters in the world including bosses would also have THEIR levels low, and to play a stupid card game with everyone and their grandmothers. Then you convert those cards into items, and convert those items into spells, and then use those spells to increase your stats.

None of that dawned on me until DISC 4, when I wondered why the Omega Weapon fight was taking me over 2 hours to slog through. I didn't bother reading through the stupid tutorials because I felt like a Final Fantasy game should be pretty straightforward and easy for some veteran of the series, like myself, to figure out.

I hated 8 so hard. I hated all the characters, even the special guest appearances by black Michael Jackson and Robin Williams. I hoped Squall would die out in the cold vastness of space, but I didn't get that chance.

And then I got 9 for my birthday like a year and a half later.

9 was fun. I didn't get why the main character was a lesbian Goku or why the rest of the game had to be so cartoony, but it was at least a fun game to play.

Hooker - 2013-08-07

FF8 was hot dogshit that killed the series for everyone I know, but the card game was great.

FABIO - 2013-08-08

Even for the people that liked the basic idea of the card game were given the finger by THOSE FUCKING RULES you couldn't control.

RocketBlender - 2013-08-08

You thought 8's card game was shit, I at least started to get a basic idea of what the fuck was going on there. 9, on the other hand, I never even grasped the basics behind that one.

Nominal - 2013-08-08

I thought it was like the card game in 8, except the strength values of the card were in HEXADECIMAL, and the whole thing was just for bragging rights.

Nominal - 2013-08-09

The shame about the story was that they eventually dropped the Titanic love story aspect, but replaced it with awful mechanics and battle systems, even worse than 8's combat. At no point in conception could anyone have considered the last game's fights to be fun.

SteamPoweredKleenex - 2013-08-07

It's stuff like this that reenforces the view that these games (and many anime) are written by emotionally stunted individuals who still think girls would fall in love with them if presented with just the right mixtape.

Udderdude - 2013-08-07

In the words of my twin, "I can't believe grown men made this game".

Sexy Duck Cop - 2013-08-07

Game designers are neurotic because, in their hearts, they know SteamPoweredKleenex is right, so they have this need to validate their medium by constantly attempting to create **THE MOST EMOTIONAL STORY OF ALL TIME**. Except, as most adults know, emotions are a byproduct of context and rhythm, two things that video game are notoriously unreliable at.

So the engineer in them simply says to increase the quantity of emotion, as if feelings are just one more variable to be tweaked. That's why "romance" in games consists of people constantly flying into each other's arms at sunset, swooning ballroom dances, and soppy melopop. It also explains why every "epic" final showdown is a hallway leading into a giant empty circular room, and why every goddamn character is avenging a dead family.

ashtar. - 2013-08-08

I totally *will* sleep with anyone who likes Ernst Busch, Teenage Jesus and the Jerks, and Electric Wizard. I can only assume that girls work the same way.

Sudan no1 - 2013-08-08

IIRC, one of the developers that ran FF into the ground was a big James Cameron / Titanic fanboy and decided from now on all Final Fantasies were going to be Star Wars AND Titanic ripoffs.

Old_Zircon - 2013-08-08

I can't deny that women's opinions regarding Electric Wizard have moved me to make questionable sexing decisions in the past.

RocketBlender - 2013-08-07

I pretty much submitted this for Old Zircon, I figured there was no way you believed me that this was a major plot point in the game.

FABIO - 2013-08-07

Don't forget to mention that they decide to hold this concert in the middle of the place you had to dodge all the lightning bolts in FFX.

Old_Zircon - 2013-08-07

I believed but I did not comprehend.

Uncanny Valley all over the place, too.

EvilHomer - 2013-08-07

We may be divided, but of you all I beg. To remember we're all hoofed at the end of each leg. No matter what the issue, come from wherever you please. All this fighting gets you nothing but hoof and mouth disease, arguing's not the way. Hey come out and play it's a shiny new day so what do yah say. You gotta share, you gotta care it's the right thing to do, you gotta share you gotta care and there'll always be a way through. Both our diets I should mention are completely vegetarian. We all eat hay and oats why be at each-others throats. You gotta share, you gotta care it's the right thing to do and there'll always be a way through.

ashtar. - 2013-08-08

I thought you were quoting something from Animal Farm for a second.

ashtar. - 2013-08-08

Upon further reflection: does thinking that a MLP version of Animal Farm would be awesome make me a brony?

takewithfood - 2013-08-08

Maybe. Or maybe it makes you a Brorwellian?

EvilHomer - 2013-08-08

That IS awesome!

I've been working on an all-MLP adaption of Equus, but an all-MLP version of Animal Farm could be fun, too. It'd go well with my belief that Twilight Sparkle is going to turn into a degenerate tyrant who kills her friends and exploits her "equals"!

All ponies are friends, but some ponies need more friendship than others.

misterbuns - 2013-08-07


StanleyPain - 2013-08-07

It's really hard to pick a "worst" moment from the FF games post-FF7.

Old_Zircon - 2013-08-07

This might actually be more shameful than Box Hako.


dairyqueenlatifah - 2013-08-07

Say what you will about the absolutely retarded storyline, terrible J-Disco soundtrack, and ridiculous outfits; this game has the best battle system and Job system of any JRPG ever made.

The HD remaster of this game, packaged with FFX, complete with the Last Mission add-on, the additional dresspheres, the monster creation mode, the added battle characters, and all the additional content from the International versions of both games that we didn't yet get here in the US, is coming out later is year. I can't wait.

RocketBlender - 2013-08-08

That's the thing that I hated so much about X-2. Everything about the battle system was awesome, the speed of it, the way you could chain attacks, the sheer number of unique classes and how you switched them, etc was all so damn good that I continued to put up with all the stupid dresses and the unbearable-at-times plot for it.

And then they never used that system again for something more serious. God damnit.

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-08-07

I prefer the shitty music dooms the world to oblivion scenario over the opposite.

sosage - 2013-08-08

This narrative device belongs to Lynn Minmei and Lynn Minmei only.

Louddetective - 2013-08-08

What in the name of god did I just watch

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