I never go during peak hours that's for sure.

When you say functional gym, you mean a full set of barbell weights, dumbbells, power rack, and whore machine ladies use to strengthen inner leg and groin muscles?

Whore machine? What is this, and where do I get one?

A full gym is some dumbells and a chair.

And a TV.

No, a full set is a bench, a squat rack, barbells, dumbbells, and adequate room for cardio. You have to focus on the core compound lifts--squats, deadlifts, benching, and rowing--above all else if you're serious about improving your body, and the equipment needed to do that can be costly and space-intensive. Gyms exist for very good reasons.

Nope. Anything you need can be done with dumbbells. Sites like Scooby's Workshop are really good telling you how to do it.

You can even get a simple weight bench with bar rest and leg attachments for less than the cost of an annual gym membership.

You are correct though that gyms exist for very good reasons. Those reasons are people who use it as a support group, narcissists who have to show off, and those goddamn nudists using the bathroom blow dryer on their pubes for 10 goddamn minutes straight.

For me, the only value of a gym was motivation. It's very tempting to get distracted or not work up enough motivation with home workouts. With a gym, I could tell myself, "I'm just hopping in the car for a ride." Then commit to the full workout once I was there because what the fuck else am I going to do at a gym, talk to the kind of people who go to gyms?

If you were only using your gym membership for motivation and getting angry at people exercising, you are emphatically not qualified to say "All exercises can be done with dumbbells".

I recently got into an argument with some kung fu guy online who told me dietary protein wasn't necessary to build muscle. So I asked him how that's not contradicted by literally every athlete, coach, and nutritionist in human history ever, to which he replied "correlation does not equal causation" and refused to look at any of the 10,000 research papers I tried to show him.

My point is that if you really believe squats, deadlifts, barbells, and pullups are liberal deceptions and all you "need" are dumbbells, you might want to ask yourself why no one else, from local high school basketball coaches to Olympic trainers, seems to agree.

The smell of stale sweat and bratwurst is our only clue.

Is there a hand on your ass? If so, Arnold is there.