|memedumpster - 2014-09-05 |
I remember when I was first approached by Her Majesty the Overpositor of Tau Ceti. She had been at my birth and christening, but at the tender age of nine we were to have our first conversation.
"You," she said, "will be the angel of fire and lightning." Then, she brought me icecream made from the frozen brains of JFK, and this was my first Holy Communion. I thought it tasted like those Nerds candies, sort of went pop pop in the tart places on your tongue.
I didn't hear from her again for five years when I had a dream about receiving a letter that I then got two days later. In it was my first target. I had been accepted in Her Majesty's Cosmic Landscape and was initiated into the fine art of alterdestiny. My target was my own reflection, and when I beheld it I blacked out, waking up two days later covered in blood, no longer a virgin.
The first ten years were kind of boring, because they make you work alone in various remote parts of the world and inner solar system. Eventually, though, after shining through on the dark side of the moon in a very successful mission to destroy Christianity, I was introduced to "the brood."
To clarify, "The Brood" are the people on what was originally called "poe red" but has since been supplanted by the small extrasolar strike team that is poeTV.
By the way, guys, Proxima run, amirite! Ha! I fucking loved that plasmorph bastard, too bad we had to kill it.
Anyway, since then I have had a great time re-engineering the history of the Orion Spur. I haven't turned in a favor point in seven years, I don't even want them. For me, it's all about the space travel, the time travel, and my friends on X-Mach, what we call Strike Team poeTV in the paperwork. No, there really isn't paperwork, duh, we're an alien conspiracy.
Since I have a lot of those points saved up, though, I was considering a transhumanition, but I kind of like the ape form, and the compatible models are all kind of insectoid, except, of course, the omnimorphology we all drool over but only goes to the presidential class.
Just a quick shout out to mah lizaaarrrrds, and much reptile love for tha galahxy! Woop! Woop!
Also, Waugh is one of us, don't be bullshitted, I watched him burn an entire planet of info life while laughing and take the bonus check with a smile. He's next in line for omnimorphogenesis, which means he will be president of a Western nation in a decade or so.
Congratulations are in order! Now do that thing where you turn your eyes inside out so they look like they're following you when you look the opposite way, God I love omnimorphology.
Love to y'all!