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Comment count is 12
Cube - 2014-10-09


EvilHomer - 2014-10-09

No, it means we need to fear guns and also ban them.

Gmork - 2014-10-09

I hope you're joking, Homer.

If you're fearing an inanimate object you're coming at it all wrong.

memedumpster - 2014-10-09

You have to come up behind inanimate objects so they don't see you coming. I learned this hunting cheesecake in the Kroger Outback.

infinite zest - 2014-10-09

I remember hearing about this, and in a way, I think somebody should sue Nike. Phil Knight went to the same elementary and Middle schools as I did, decades before, and turned a blind eye when arts budget cuts were at their worst in Portland Public Schools. To me, that meant a high school life of constant transfers and no friends when everyone wanted to be popular. In retrospect I don't care, but at the time we all hated Knight. I'm not condoning the pimp's behavior but Knight's apathy, even to his own humble upbringings, is something that's pretty appalling. I was either gonna say this or "It's gotta be the shoes."

baleen - 2014-10-10

It's not inanimate objects that kill people, it's a series of interrelating inanimate objects that, when combined as a whole in a complex relationship of elastic mechanical energy, compression and chemical reaction, expel highly fatal explosive projectiles at great velocities into the flesh of living people that kill people.

Cube - 2014-10-10

EvilHomer, haven't you heard? The gun is good, penis is evil!

EvilHomer - 2014-10-10

Why would I be joking, Gmork? Guns are not the Pony Way, and besides, you are the only person here who has a sane and rational position on gun laws. You said so yourself.

IZ - in all honesty, I think it's good he sued Nike! Not because Nike should have honestly placed a warning label on their product, but because fuck Nike.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2014-10-09

The fact that he's doing 100 years for a nonfatal assault suggests that his trial was replete with similar tomfoolery, and the judge was pissed off.

ShiftlessRastus - 2014-10-09

This reminds me of a traumatizing shoe related incident from high school.

I lived in the suburbs of Portsmouth Virginia which, while relatively safe and middle class, was only a few blocks away from a genuinely dangerous area. I was friends with these blonde-headed trust fund twins who happened to sell weed. We were all piled into my other friend's pick-up truck when one of the twins said he needed to make a "drop off". We went to the permeable edge of the "safe zone", and the kid went into a house that had a toothless man in a wheelchair parked in the yard, staring into space. A few minutes went by, and I noticed a little crackhead dude across the street on his phone pointing vehemently at the house. A few more minutes passed and the biggest guy I have ever seen in real life loped up to the crackhead (think Debo from Friday, but fatter). The twin came out of the house and froze about four steps from the sidewalk. We heard them having a short and quiet discussion, followed by a Mike Tyson punch that laid this kid flat on his back in the walkway. We were too afraid to interfere when the kicks to the face started. After three or four kicks to the head, Fat Debo stopped and carefully looked at his pristine white high top sneakers. A storm cloud of anger came over his previously neutral face, and he then said the coldest shit I have ever heard anyone say to another human being: "NIGGA, YOU BLED ON ME!". What followed looked like one of those Tom and Jerry fights where it's just a dust cloud with the occasional foot, fist, and tooth flying out. When he finished, Fat Debo turned and calmly walked back down the sidewalk. The crackhead grabbed the kid's wallet and watch, along with the money he had just picked up, and ran in the opposite direction of Debo. When they were out of sight, we went and picked up the pile of our friend and threw him in the truck bed. We peeled out, leaving the man in the wheelchair still staring into space. We drove to the emergency room roundabout, and dropped off the injured kid and his brother. We then went to my house so my friend could hose the blood out of his truck bed. I remember that the bloody water splashing out of the truck left pink, eventually brown stains on my favorite Primus shirt. For a fleeting moment, I knew how Debo felt.

MurgatroidMendelbaum - 2014-10-10

Who hasn't been there, am I right?

baleen - 2014-10-10

That was terrifying. Thanks.

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