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Comment count is 11
glasseye - 2015-03-02

Two terrible tastes that taste unimaginably terrible together. Five stars for awfulness.

Jet Bin Fever - 2015-03-02

Yeah, I hate everything about this! 5 stars!

glasseye - 2015-03-04

Well, sometimes something is just so terrible that it deserves a perfect score.

EvilHomer - 2015-03-03

"Hair Metal" tag? This isn't hair metal. This is more of a throwback to pre-NWOBHM metal, predominately proto-doom like Black Sabbath, with a healthy heaping of KISS glam rock and maybe a bit of Accept. They market themselves as "Disco-Metal", apparently, but it's more like Germanic doom-glam with a Turbonegro aesthetic and a "we play disco cover songs" gimmick.

Maybe some of their other songs are hair metal, though. This is the first I'm hearing them.

EvilHomer - 2015-03-03

I might be willing to call this Body-Hair Metal.

memedumpster - 2015-03-03

While your classification of music based on teleology (what comes next defines the genre that came before) is great and complicated like the Star Trek the Next Generation Technical Manual, I would like you to consider a new classification for music. Odor! By considering what the performers might smell like after a live set, music can be classified in whole new, and quite amazing, ways.

For instance, this would be McDonald's Playland Metal.

EvilHomer - 2015-03-03

That wouldn't make sense. Most people determine which music they enjoy listening to based upon sound, aesthetics, and nostalgia, in varying orders of priority. But in a system of anti-cladistical olfactory classification, such as the one you propose, many radically-different-sounding forms of music would wind up in the same genre; the main determining factors in this new model being the degree of energy required to play the show (which can vary wildly, even within a single traditionally-defined genre), the ambient temperature of the venue (something which the bands themselves have very little control over), as well as the current diet and hygiene of the performers (a little bit more instructive, but not by much). It would be completely at odds with the three values *consumers* place above all else, and would doubtlessly be rejected by the masses - at least not without a costly, prolonged effort by Hollywood to manipulate the values of the proletariat. Worse, the smell of each individual band might vary wildly from night to night, or even from set to set (if they play multiple sets and/or encores)! It would be very difficult (perhaps impossible) to accurately predict the smell of any given band ahead of time, thus creating a nightmare for booking agents! What if I wanted to book a "Gym Socks and PBR" night at my club, but wound up with a "Curry and Old Pizza" band instead? I would have a lot of dissatisfied customers. And this would happen *constantly*.

You really need to rethink this proposal, Mr Dumpster, before you send it to Chairman Rufus' Supreme Journal of Musical Excellence for peer review.

baleen - 2015-03-03

This is a shameful mishmash of several metal genres.

ashtar. - 2015-03-03

Metal genres are arbitrary social constructs rather than natural kinds. At best they serve a heuristic function.

EvilHomer - 2015-03-04

They may be social constructs, but they're hardly arbitrary. As with many social constructs - gender, for example, or postmodern sword typology (Easton, 0:50) - metal genres are not pulled out of thin air, but are instead based upon an independent underlying reality; in this case, the physical properties of sounds, as well as the complex, non-naturalistic, but nevertheless "real" process of memetic cultural evolution. Construct? Of course! Heuristic? Sure, I can live with that. .... but Arbitrary? NO!

1. Easton, Matthew. "Longsword, bastard sword, two-handed sword - a response to Lindybeige". Youtube http://youtu.be/iwdg6lblKow. 7 Apr. 2014. Web. 4 Mar. 2015.

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2015-03-03

This is way, way better than the version they did on Glee. Now that was shit. I actually liked this.

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