Let them have all the federal aid they want, but only if they drown Ted Cruz first. Maybe offer money for tornado relief if they raze Perry's Niggerhead ranch to the ground and drive a fence post through his torso, too.
I'll be honest, I don't really know shit about Ted Cruz but isn't at this point asking Barry O for cash like asking the vice principal for a hall pass to see the school nurse? He's not ganna say "no" but why are you even asking?