|Bort - 2015-06-21 |
Having trouble understanding the lyrics, but five stars for anything trashing that traitor.
Also, I was expecting you to commence the jigglin', and maybe it's best that you didn't.
The lyrics, as far as I remember:
Robert E. Lee had a high-pitched lilting voice;
He crushed both his testicles as a young boy.
Robert E. Lee set a record for retreats,
Just a yeller-bellied sniveling coward with a limp handshake.
Robert E. Lee whipped sixty-seven slaves;
He rubbed them all with brine where they'd been flayed.
Robert E. Lee, when Lincoln crushed the 'federcy,
Had 'em all put to death instead of setting them free.
Robert E. Lee, beset with vanity,
Always mincing for his mirror, dandily.
Robert E. Lee, his skin so pale and white,
Brung a parasol to war to shield him from sunlight.
Robert E. Lee, Robert E. Lee, etc.
Robert E. Lee, to preserve his appeal,
Forced himself to vomit after every meal.
Robert E. Lee, to stave off his old age,
Filled a tub with ass's milk in which he would bathe.
Robert E. Lee was some kind of pervert,
House full of prostitutes used as furniture.
Robert E. Lee always paid them their due,
Especially the prostitutes he paid to eat his poo.
Robert E. Lee maintained unit cohesion,
Sodomizing officers into submission.
Robert E. Lee, he murdered Stonewall Jackson,
Only choice to hide the shame of losing his erection.
Robert E. Lee, Robert E. Lee, etc.
Robert E. Lee, after Gettysburg,
Threw a childish tantrum by burning a church.
Robert E. Lee brung himself to climax,
Smelling Pennsylvanian flesh reducing to ash.
Robert E. Lee lay alone in his bed;
He pissed himself twice and then he was dead.
Robert E. Lee couldn't fit inside his coffin,
So they folded him in half and sawed off his shins.
This is at least as accurate as the version of the Civil War taught to me in high school, and possibly vastly more accurate. Seeing you didn't claim the Civil War was about "states rights", you win right out of the gate.
omg this reminds me of a song i wrote about chuck yeager, except that really had a lot less merit for satire. MP I support you shitting on my ancestors. f'rill
btw nice use of a gut bucket. my grandpa used to play that when he were alive. (not the lee side)
|Cena_mark - 2015-06-21 |
Show those Confederate apologists what for.
|Sanest Man Alive - 2015-06-21 |
Lincoln's first pick for Commander of the Union Armies, everybody.
Sanest Man Alive
Southerner here, not trying to sound like an apologist either; early on, Lincoln was willing to overlook some shit if it meant being able to pull things back together as quickly as possible. Lee refused because he didn't want to stand against his homeland in the Confederacy, which was a gentrified way of saying "fuck you, I wanna keep playing feudalism with my bros some more". At least he pushed for reconciliation after the signing at Appomattox.
We were never going to win that war; even though much of the fighting took place on our soil, the Union had the manpower and the manufacturing, while we still largely relied on England and other countries to do anything with our raw resources. The naval blockades of our ports really won the war; any tactical advantage of terrain doesn't mean shit in the long run when you can't effectively resupply.
Sometimes I fear we'll never move on from this shit; too many of us still think the Civil War wasn't about slavery (it absofuckinglutely was) and forget that slaveowners were a powerful, upper-crust minority of our population who dragged the rest of us into that bloody mess just so they could keep their own gravy trains running. Kinda like what's happening nowadays, really.
|chairsforcheap - 2015-06-21 |
I'm his great great great grandson... Directly. My family kind of worships him (we have a lot of heirlooms) but i don't really pay attention to it AMA
Any swords? Swords are awesome!
yep. We cut wedding cakes with it. (it being... HIS sword... like the one) My sister used it marrying an indian gentleman.
i always take a shot of whiskey from his camp cup whenever i visit virginia also
|hammsangwich - 2015-06-21 |
I moved my brother to New Orleans about 6 years ago and was kind of shocked they have a giant Robert E. Lee statue in the city. I brought it up to a local I met at a bar and mentioned we don't have Ulysses S. Grant statues in the north. His retort was, "You in tha south now, you in the south."
Keep that answer in mind the next time you have any questions about Southern incongruities. It applies to every conceivable "why" and "how."
Well, Lee wasn't arguably the worst president in US history, so it helps
|Juice Eggs McKenna - 2015-06-22 |
Not sure who this is supposed to offend exactly, but I can appreciate the effort that went into it
|Needtodestroy - 2015-06-22 |
I commend their commitment to a lack of musicality.
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