I never say what I'm feeling from day to day because I would upset a lot of people that I can barely tolerate.

I work hard on not being an obvious misanthropist, but man you should hear the stuff I say when I'm alone in my house with my party hat on.

Think of all the punches that would love to be in a committed relationship with that face, or at least for a night.

I'd love to take a shit on his face.

He's funny looking