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Desc:She has the screen presence of an ISIS hostage who has a dog fucking a chewtoy in the background.
Category:Nature & Places, Fashion
Tags:isis, cwc, Chris Chan, vibrating animals, turn your fucking volume up elderly woman I mean J
Submitted:Sexy Duck Cop
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Comment count is 44
EvilHomer - 2016-07-14

This is horrific.

Five stars!

Oscar Wildcat - 2016-07-14

...only because you know the money will actually be spent on dildoes. Hey, this is like the government in microform.

EvilHomer - 2016-07-14

On the plus side, she looks like she's lost a lot of weight. No Snorlax anymore.

EvilHomer - 2016-07-14

I don't think Chris will buy any more dildos, do you? The money's probably going to go towards Barb's meds, because Chris has his tugboat for Legos, female Transformers, and Pokemon Go.

EvilHomer - 2016-07-14

... which raises an interesting ethical dilemma. Chris (and Barb) make poor life decisions. He (they) blow money on frivolous crap, so when the time comes to pay for necessary expenses, they can't handle the bills and need to go into crisis mode. Neither Chris (nor Barb) will learn from their mistakes if they keep getting bailed out by weens, white-knights, and white-weens. On the other hand, things are getting down to the wire over at 14 BC; I really *don't* think Barb will survive a month or two of "tough love" - i.e. not getting bailed out, so as to teach them a lesson in responsibility (which probably won't be learned anyways).

So, do we, the audience, donate money to the Chandlers, knowing full well that this situation is entirely their own fault and, by sending them money, we are enabling and eternally-perpetuating their own self-destructive behavior patterns - OR - do we refuse to participate in this protracted suicide game, thereby dooming Barb to a sudden and tragic death?

William Burns - 2016-07-14

How about give the money to someone without a huge, totally undeserved online support network. Any random hobo.

Oscar Wildcat - 2016-07-14

As a young guy living in NYC, my lover had a job at a bakery and I used to get bags of day old bagels and whatnot. This was good eating, but when homeless people asked for money, I'd reach into the bag and offer the bread. Some accepted gratefully. Some declined: they wanted money for liquor or smokes. Both received my blessings. The dudes that got hollered at would take a bagel, because they didn't want to seem like they didn't need it, and then throw it away at the end of the subway car. Then I'd call them out on it. Because fuck them, I was gonna eat that for breakfast.

EvilHomer - 2016-07-14

The trouble with giving money to hobos, at least in the context of this problem, is that it doesn't change the fact that without money, Barb will die. Some hobos might "deserve" your money more than the Chandlers, sure, but few of them "need" it as much as C&B do right now.

Which do we value: to each according to their abilities, or to each according to their need?

Mr Wildcat - I usually give them a dollar, if I've got it. I also ask if they're a vet, because I work closely with the homeless team at the VA and I know a bunch of resources they can access (VASH, in particular, is a lifesaver). Sometimes I send them over to the local music co-op, too, but only if the person seems really friendly and talkative. I'll give them food, like a bagel or something, if I've got any - but I once offered a homebum a cookie (it was literally the only thing I had in my pocket) and the guy got an attitude with me. Started threatening me with a used condom, so I told him to go fuck himself, and would have cracked him in the jaw had a passing Yale Drama professor not given me a concerned look.

Since then, fuck 'em, if I've got a yummy cookie, I'll keep it for my-own-goddamn-self. I may be my brother's keeper, but I'm also my own.

William Burns - 2016-07-14


Oscar Wildcat - 2016-07-14

I'm pretty sure both of these people would qualify for free medical care from the Fed. What's up with that?

Monkey Napoleon - 2016-07-14

Sadly, there isn't a federal program to provide free health care to people in need. Money is earmarked at the federal level for those programs, and then states that come up with programs meeting certain criteria get federal money for them.

Where I live, luckily, there's the Oregon Health Plan that's been around for years and there's very little stipulations to receiving free health care besides being under a certain income level.

In Virgina, it looks like the only option is Medicaid. If this is the case, she probably qualifies... but Medicaid is NOTORIOUSLY strict about what they will pay for. What she needs either isn't covered, or she doesn't know she qualifies.

As a horrifying aside: recently I've been looking into some things, and in Oregon at least, they tell people that the process of applying for disability can take up to TWO YEARS to complete. If you're a paraplegic or blind or something obvious like that, it's a lot faster... but situations like Barb's where for various reasons you find your health rapidly deteriorating due to a cascade of related issues... good luck because you're living on ??? while they decide if you should get 0 a month. They will reimburse you for up to 18 months starting from when you became disabled, but that's only after you're accepted.

The state of job rehabilitation programs for most people is pretty shockingly bad as well. If you ever have to resort to that kind of thing, just rob a bank. Even if they catch you, the rehabilitation programs for felons are much better than for regular people.

Sexy Duck Cop - 2016-07-14

re: dildos (God I love starting sentences with that)

There's two very distinct, equally probable reason Chris has bankrupted America buying all the dildos in the world:

1) Someone in sex ed very calmly, dispassionately explained to him that masturbation and the use of "toys" is a completely normal, natural, common thing, and he read that as "I should spend every remaining moment of my life with a vibrating butt plug inside me like a normal person"

2) He just likes receiving mail, and they only make a new Mario Kart every other month so he has to spend his momey on SOMETHING, right?

Sexy Duck Cop - 2016-07-14

re: Moral implications of not letting an elderly woman die right in front of you

If I don't give the Chandlers dildo money then Barb will die faster and we can move on to the next season sooner. This is like paying HBO to make me wait another year for Game of Thrones.

Seriously though, Barb looks like the Crypt Keeper and is only in such dire straits because she and her son have believed, for years, that everyone else owes them free money no matter what and you're a horrible person if you don't give them endless free things. I'm 100% in favor of the social safety net and sympathize with the plight of people who aren't total assholes, but when it comes to the Chandlers specifically, I turn into Ayn Rand.

Cena_mark - 2016-07-14

Ill be living inNYC soon.

Sexy Duck Cop - 2016-07-14

I'm sorry.

lotsmoreorcs - 2016-07-15

gay working at a bagel shop

EvilHomer - 2016-07-15

I think Ayn Rand would give money to Chris. Rand had problems with coercion, not with charity, and certainly not with voluntary economic transactions that are in both party's own rational self-interest. Chris is an amazing artist and magnificent entertainer; Rand would think of CWCville-donations as patronage, like supporting a handsome young violinist with a rare gift for Beethoven. Chris provides the art, we provide his pay.

Oscar Wildcat - 2016-07-15

Chris is a sort of Randian Ideal brought down to the real world. Hank Reardon wearing Dagney Tagart's lingerie, chasing the almighty buck but left holding his dick in his hand. Like a Greek tragedy, but with (more) dildos.

EvilHomer - 2016-07-15

Chris is primarily driven by love, not financial gain or professional success, and his politics he espouses in CWCville are less Galt's Gulch and more a sick re-imagining of "WaldenTwo-meets-SocialistPyongyang, but there is indeed a certain Randian quality to Chris' struggles: against the state, against his parents, against corporations, and against the trolls. Chris bravely fights any and all would-be authorities in society that seek, whether out of lust for power or sheer cruelty, to stifle his passion and limit his own potential. And like Howard Roark, protagonist of The Fountainhead, he's even an architect (or at least, has a degree from PVCC allowing him to be one)!

That Chris' career and artistic vision led him to be an architect of the mind, rather than of buildings, is of little consequence.

Sexy Duck Cop - 2016-07-16

But EH, if we DON'T give Chris money, his mother will die and he'll be impoverished with no one but the help line at the vibrator and lip balm factory to provide guidance, destroying the last remaining thread of anything resembling a safety net and leaving alone and unloved to the vicissitudes of a cruel, uncaring world! It'll be hilarious!

EvilHomer - 2016-07-17

I don't think Chris will be that "alone" when Barb dies - or rather, his experience of being alone won't be the same as our experience of being alone might be, were we to be placed in a similar situation. Chris can never be truly alone, for you see, he has CWCville. He has Sonichu. He has an *entire world*, right there in his head, filled with friends and adventure and love and sex, and if the last decade has proven anything, it's that nothing can take this world away from him.

At worst, and I mean at absolute worst, it's going to wind up like the house-building hobo from Akira Kurosawa's forgotten masterpiece, Dodesuka-den. Chris will die, cold and alone, but he will be *triumphant*, because in his mind he's still in CWCville, flying free above the shadows of this earthly life.

Bort - 2016-07-17

"So, do we, the audience, donate money to the Chandlers, knowing full well that this situation is entirely their own fault and, by sending them money, we are enabling and eternally-perpetuating their own self-destructive behavior patterns - OR - do we refuse to participate in this protracted suicide game, thereby dooming Barb to a sudden and tragic death?"

Bort has spent vast sums of money trying to bail people out of problems of their own making and to try to help them find self-sufficiency. Bort mostly brought Bort's self to the brink of bankruptcy but failed to lift others out of poverty except for the very short term.

The only thing I've found that works is to let people live with me rent-free and get their act together. It means an increased grocery bill but that's trivial compared to the alternative. Particularly if the problem is being mired in credit card debt, not having to pay any rent or utilities for a few months lets a person get back in control.

I say, be the safety net to someone local to you rather than a Youtube semi-celebrity.

Meerkat - 2016-07-14

The stragedy is a proven winner!

Sexy Duck Cop - 2016-07-14

Trust me, this is a sustainable financial plan that can go on forever. Just rely on people bullying a mentally ill man to give you money for absolutely no reason to hand you free money.

Quad9Damage - 2016-07-14

Well, she's alive.

Scrotum H. Vainglorious - 2016-07-14

Why is she so catatonic like? Has she always been like this or is she on psychiatric meds?

Nobody should beg for money for medical/dental care in this country, not even a Chandler. I used to feel nothing but disdain for her but now I genuinely pity her. She's broken and needs help but I can't trust Chris with the money.

Scrotum H. Vainglorious - 2016-07-14

Ok I just saw the description and he's asking for money to be donated directly to his PayPal account. Ain't happening. This is truly fucked all around as she needs help but I don't think she has the mental faculties to handle money anymore and god knows Chris can't be trusted with anything. This video really depressed the hell out of me.

Oscar Wildcat - 2016-07-14

Right. You've got to pay the bill directly, or it's gonna be glitter dildos and figurines.

William Burns - 2016-07-14

"This video really depressed the hell out of me." That's every Chris Chan video for the last decade. Why are people still posting them here? Sadism? Masochism? Habit?

Ugh - 2016-07-14

atrocity tourism is like a bunch of different theme parks, some people just love the tourist traps

gravelstudios - 2016-07-14

Imagine the horror of getting older and realizing that, as you become less and less capable of handling your own affairs, Chris Chan will be taking care of you. That's got to be terrifying.

dairyqueenlatifah - 2016-07-14

Jesus Christ.

Sexy Duck Cop - 2016-07-14

We watch one or two Chris Chan videos a week, and we laugh or cry or debate the philosophical implications with Evil Homer. Then we move on with our lives.

This is her final legacy. Every day and every night of her twilit years are Sonichu, stress sighs, and loud anal masturbation with vibrators one room away.

Go on. Focus on that mental image. 68 years old. Surrounded by a pile of garbage. Your son is spending your med money on loudly fucking himself in the ass as the Transformers theme plays.

gravelstudios - 2016-07-14

The reason behind my comment was that I watched my parents gradually take over handling my grandparents' affairs as they aged, and I can rapidly see the day approaching when i will have to do the same for my parents. I don't think this woman has anybody else in her life who can take care of her in her old age, and I think she must be starting to realize that, as much as she loves him, Chris will never be up to the task. She's staring into the abyss. I don't envy her.

cognitivedissonance - 2016-07-15

Question: Bob was an engineer. He had some sort of pension, and he also had Social Security survivors benefits, so probably at minimum 00 a month, likely closer around 00. Barb gets Soc Sec of her own, so another 00 minimum. Add that to the 00 a month Chris gets in tugboat, and estimating 0-300 a month in Sonichu Amiibos he's selling, and the fact that they probably get a few hundo in food stamps, where the FUCK does it go?* I assume they probably have a criminal mortgage on Branchland Court that must be under water by now. Why not just ditch and get a two bedroom apartment and move on? And why isn't the dentist son helping out? Did Bob burn bridges there like he did with Cole?

*im not naive, it's pissed down the drain by daily McDonalds, toys, video games, sex paraphernalia, necromancers to keep Barb alive, Coca-Cola, Crayola Model Magic, Pixelbricks, Legos, makeup, manssierres, leggings, lubricants, Amazon deliveries, Amiibos, action figures, pornography subscriptions, gifts to sweethearts, the occasional prostitute and legal fines/lawyer fees.

dairyqueenlatifah - 2016-07-15

Barb and Bob burned pretty much every bridge there was. Literally no one in their families would have anything to do with them after a certain point.

EvilHomer - 2016-07-15

There articles on this on the CWCki, and Christorians documenting their every financial transaction over at Kiwifarms. I don't know the full breakdown, but my understanding is that most of the money goes towards a) paying off frivolous debt and b) accumulating more frivolous debt (not necessarily in that order). Barb's already been taken to court over credit card and mortage problems.

As for David, Chris' doctor half-brother. not much si known about him, but I don't think they've had much contact in decades and now that Bob's dead there's little or no reason for him to contact the remaining Chandlers (given that Barb is not David's biological mother). As for Cole, HIS main problem was with Barb, not Bob - particularly the issue of Barb not telling Cole who his real father was. (Christorians speculate that it was a friend of the family, who has since died) Cole might help Chris out if and when Barb dies - but I doubt it, given the fact that Chris has now turned Cole into a money-burning super-villain and besmirched his good name across the internet.

Scrotum H. Vainglorious - 2016-07-16

Wait a sec, you mean to tell me that house isn't paid off? I assumed they bought that thing back in the mid Pleistocene and that surely it would have been paid off years ago. Hell I thought Bob would have had those bases covered.

cognitivedissonance - 2016-07-16

He's been saying he has mortgage payments to pay, yeah. They only moved in in the mid 90s.

lotsmoreorcs - 2016-07-15

harsh times

kingarthur - 2016-07-16

Oh hell, Chris is filming this, isn't he? He's holding his own dying mother hostage for donations.

Pillager - 2023-06-27

Holding more than that...

bopeton - 2016-07-17

Chris-chan's collection of figurines, legos, video games, anime toys, etc. must have been quite expensive.

cognitivedissonance - 2016-07-17

Don't forget he habitually downloads DLC and then forgets to play it, which is detailed on his PS4 account.

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