Bullshit, I lived in Boston long enough to know that the correct way to decant red wine is

1) Drink it straight from the bottle.
2) Throw it back up on the floor of the T a couple hours later, preferably in front of a subway cop.

Forgot the most important step!

Have to throughly rinse the decanter with cyanide before use.

Ah, m'yes, the 1992 Franzia, Excellent choice, Mr. Wanker.

I actually met a Master Sommelier this last week. He was very clearly not actually doing anything. The restaurant was a damn embarrassment.

I was forced by my employer to endure a series of classes by Master Sommelier and Bullshitter Extraordinaire Peter Neptune. For his brief and unmemorable services he was compensated with year-long access to a comped $500 suite at Shutters on the Beach in Santa Monica. What stood out about him was his large diamond cuff links and bright Chiclet veneers. He did a trick where we selected one of many unlabeled bottles and he identified it by sniff, but I later learned is was more or less a set-up. What I eventually came to realize is that if you ever spend more than $120 for a 750ml bottle of wine you're just spoiled or a sucker or both.

I always wipe twice, too.

Also, that candle doesn’t look properly lit to me. I bet he used a cheap disposable lighter.

this is the alcoholic equivalent of having scan lines on your emulator.

Be sure to mutter "fuckkin foil..." under your breath when dealing with damaged foil as you prepare the bottle. When the guest asks you to repeat yourself, with a strong, clear voice reply "I said FUCKKIN FOIL!"
Then throw any tools in your hand on the cart and stomp off. Don't worry if they fall off the cart, or you miss completely. Just as you return to the wine cellar, yell "FUKKIN FOIL!" one last time, before the door closes behind you.

Be sure to read the comments for a bunch of Patrick Bateman types pretending like they order 2000.00 USD bottles of wine all the time. And 'you probably never ate anywhere fancier than a TGI Fridays so of course you don't get it'. I just assume all of those comments are sock puppets owned some fat guy in a shithole apartment in Pittsburgh.

"I sure trolled those losers!"

"To really set your establishment apart and provide an appropriate tone for the evening, remove the bladder from the box and rip the corner of it off with your teeth. Orally present the bladder corner and bag-dregs to the host along with your assessment of his mother's sexual prowess. Now, don't forget to hold the box high so your guests can observe the wine's vintage and easily view the scrotum and testicles that you've discretely produced through your zipper hole. Don't forget to congratulate your guests on their impeccable tastes and abortively attempt to hurl a chair at them."

M-DEEM, winedouche of note, CMS

Years ago a friend of mine drank half a gallon of Carlo Rossi then slowly covered himself in whipped cream and went out wandering the streets at 3am.