Damn man. How do u *not* go on a killing spree?

I pour all my effort & energy into working because my family needs me to bring in money.

At the end of the day, a bloodbath is just too much energy & effort.

Seriously, though, being a cashier really sucks for an introvert like me. I have to deal with people all day long and I'm literally too drained by the end of the day to do anything other than mindless housework.

You have energy for mindless housework after that?

It's sort of therapeutic for me.

Hell, most of the video games I play these days are chore simulators.

Minecraft

Stardew Valley

Slime Rancher

Starbound

Viscera Cleanup Detail

Oh, Binro, my heart goes out to you.

yeah same, solidarity Binro!!

that guy was a primo asshole. I just want to say that also in addition to I am sorry for such a bad day triggered by one dude who is clearly living with extreme anxiety over everything. You at least seem to have a very level and steady head. my heart to your family too.

Thanks. I try to look at people this way:

Comedian Brian Regan has a bit about walking through a spider web. When you walk through a spider's web, other people can't see it, they just see you going nuts trying to pull it off.

"Lookit that guy over there! He was walking by that tree and just started freaking out. Look! He's still doing it."

I try to treat people who act out like they've just walked through a metaphorical spider's web. I have no idea what that guy went through before I saw him that could have made him act that way. Maybe he's an asshole all the time or maybe circumstances just put him out of sorts for a while and he's not usually like this.

I'm dealing with a lot of spiderwebs myself and I'm trying hard not to let it affect how I treat others, but I can never be sure how others perceive my behavior.

*** WARNING LOTS OF BITCHING ABOUT MY LIFE BELOW ***

*** FEEL FREE TO NOT READ IT ***

*** NO, SERIOUSLY I WENT BACK AND READ IT AFTER TYPING IT. I DIDN'T WANT TO DELETE IT AFTER THAT MUCH WORK BUT IT COMES OFF AS WHINY AND DEPRESSING ***

*** FEEL TOTALLY FREE NOT TO READ IT. I WILL NOT BE UPSET ***

All the love & support here means loads to me. It's been a shitty year. Last February, my mother suffered a fall. We thought she was having a stroke, but she had fallen & struck her head causing bleeding inside her skull. She & dad had moved in with me years ago because her health was declining. Complications from the injury ended up taking her from us last May.

My dad, sister, nephews & I were all devastated. My nephews live with me, too. My sister, who has mental health & substance abuse issues, alternates staying with us during the week and her boyfriend on the weekends. Losing Ma hit us all hard, particularly dad who had to keep working because he still owes a lot on her medical expenses. Caring for her had drained all their assets, which was why they had to move in with me.

This was just the beginning of the shitstorm. I was already having issues at work with the manager of my old department who is definitely a super mega asshole and not dealing with any spiderwebs of any kind. She's a psychopath middle management type and made my life a living nightmare for years. I don't want to go into too much detail, but she really treated me like garbage, pushed all the heavy physical labor onto me, and promoted people with less seniority, experience & qualifications over me multiple times. I'm pretty sure she was trying to make me quit, but I couldn't without having another job lined up. I did look, but nothing ever worked out.

And then I started developing physical issues that diminished my capacity as a laborer. I was already slowing down. I'm no spring chicken. (I'll be 50 in June) and health issues run in my family. Right after Ma had her fall, I slipped on icy steps and fucked up my shoulder putting me on restricted duty for a few weeks.

Then, there was an ugly incident with psycho boss. I had put in for a week's sick leave under the Family Medical Leave Act to care for Ma when she got home. Because it was FMLA, psycho boss literally had no power to deny it to me. On the last hour of the last day before I was to take off, she decided to browbeat me by reading off a long list of my failures & shortcomings. Under stress and not in the mood for it, I walked out of the meeting. HR is not there for my benefit, but to cover the company's ass which means covering psycho boss' ass no matter what. I'm still dealing with fallout from that. I got my union involved, though.

When Ma died, I was only out for a few days and the following weekend. I returned to work the following week. It was too soon. I was always on the verge of crying. I had hoped returning to a normal routine would help me cope, but it didn't. And psycho boss was extra shitty to me. I think she was trying to goad me into some kind of emotional outburst because she had claimed I had become "threatening" during the prior incident. I didn't take the bait, though a few times she did literally reduce me to tears, but that wasn't hard to do at the time.

In the midst of this, I was worried about my dad. I still am. He's an old-school boomer macho guy who was pissed off at himself for not having the power to save his wife and is too tough to let anyone know how upset he is about it. He's 77. He still feels he has to work 6 days a week paying off Ma's medical bills. And now he's sick. He caught my fucking cold despite how careful I've been to stay ways from him and not contaminate the shared spaces.

At least, I HOPE it's just my fucking cold.

Anyway, I'd been having foot & leg pain for a while. Last August, my left foot finally hurt so bad, I could barely walk. Keep in mind, I'm still busting my ass at work because I don't want to give psycho boss any excuses. Anyway, I had been treating the pain & swelling with ice water soaks, which helped a little. When I started seeing bruising, though, I decided it was time for the doctor to have a look because maybe I sprained it or something.

Turned out I had something called "Charcot's foot." which is a thing that happens when you develop diabetic neuropathy in your feet. Apparently, I had been walking around for God knows how long on broken foot bones until the pain got bad enough for my damaged nerves to feel it. Not just walking, I was on my feet 8 hours a day, carrying loads of 75+ lbs and climbing up & down ladders & stairs. My left foot was put in an air cast. I had to stay off my feet for a couple of weeks then get one of those knee scooters.

Of course, psycho boss wasted no time getting me kicked out of the department using "reasonable accommodation" as an excuse. See, if you're physically unable to do your job, the company will try to find you a position you're qualified for that meets your medical needs. They're supposedly looking for something permanent for me but have made me a cashier in the meantime.

Also, last month I was rear-ended while waiting at a traffic light. Nobody was hurt, thank God, but my poor little 1998 Saturn was totaled. I've gotten a new vehicle, but that was an ordeal in & of itself.

And I know lots of other people have it way worse than I do. And even though I've been through Hell, things are starting to kind of look up. I'm on a carefully restricted diet. It's not fun, but my blood sugar is normal without insulin. My blood pressure is normal. I've gone from 330+ lb down to 269 lb. I feel better overall.

My older nephew is going to college. My younger nephew is doing excellent in school and will hopefully go one day. We've been working to help make sure that happens. They're both good kids who got dealt shitty hands by life, but maybe they'll have better lives than mine.

I have a 2007 Honda Odyssey with all sorts of fancy gadgets that suits my family's needs way better than the old Saturn. It's seriously the nicest vehicle I've ever owned and even though I had to pull $6,000 from my 401K & take the tax hit, at least I won't have to make payments on it. It's mine free & clear.

And I'll be done paying off the home loan in October. That will mean another $800 every month I don't have to piss away making someone else rich.

I'm still worried about my dad & sister during this pandemic, though. He's elderly, still working and has never been the best about taking care of himself. She's immunocompromised. I can understand that customer being scared about infection, but it's people like me, who have to be at work and have to be exposed to so many people who are taking the bigger risk.

Well, I've whined enough. Thank you all again for your support. It really does mean a lot to me.

Thasa good story Binro, tx for sharing.. You sound very ethical, reasonable + hardworking.
Also sounds like u are doing pretty good, paid off *home* loan? Thats epic.
Also, losing weight.
No matter what age one is, being healthy will make a massive difference. When ure in good shape ure life is just better and more enjoyable + u get more done. My goals every day (in order of priority) are..
1.sleep good
2.eat healthily
3.get some exercise
4.work

Binro I empathize with your story and appreciate your hard work.