ok we're gonna need a big goofy dork with a heart of gold and a cool broody badboy team up here

Soon after the cracked rock was discovered, the Nine-tailed Fox Demoness was spotted at a nearby bar getting hammered.

When asked why she wasn't out sowing chaos, wreaking havoc and generally trying to destroy the world, she paused in slamming shots of vodka to reply, "Some prick beat me to it."

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy wounded side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure,
Save from wrath and make me pure.

Conversely:

What do you want? What do you want?
I want rock'n'roll, all right!
Long live rock'n'roll

Rock of ages, rock of ages
Still rollin', keep a-rollin'