i couldn't agree with you more.

Raw-food champions are even more insufferable than vegans, too, incredibly enough.

A couple months ago I was at my roommate's bar drunk off my ass and a rather attractive girl who must have been 10 years younger than I leaned into me and we struck up a conversation. Her boobs were pressed against my arm which I normally take to mean a woman is interested in me in some way. I can't remember how the topic turned to food, but she was a vegan, which meant I could see how the rest of the conversation would unfold and I would not be having sex with her.

It always goes something like this:

Her: Well I'm a vegan, so...
Me: Really? That's interesting, good for you, healthy.
Her: You aren't a vegan.
Me: I like meat a lot. I used to be a vegetarian, for five years, but I was always sad and cold.
Her: You probably didn't do the research on your diet...

[I humor for a while, yes, ok, maybe I should have tried eating more shiitake mushrooms and spinach...]

Her voice rises and she grows more passionate.

Me: Well ok you're a vegan that's great.
Her: BUT WHY DO YOU NEED TO EAT MEAT WHEN I HAVE JUST DEMONSTRATED WITH MY ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF NUTRITION THAT IT IS NOT NECESSARY AND THOMAS JEFFERSON WAS A VEGETARIAN.
Me: I like to eat meat all the time.

It's always the same. There is something wrong with vegans.

It's just so refreshing to come across someone who holds defending correct nutritional science above getting laid.

stars are for baleen, who is a good person.

Also: please explode with nerd rage over what some random chick on the internet eats.

almond paste IS good -- I don't get why you'd want to try making it look like eggs though

calm down, go eat some tofurkey.

politicizing your diet is a drag, not just for you (come on...admit it), but everyone around you as well.

three stars anyway because it does look good.

neither do humans. the only reason we evolved into beings that could use our brains to think about things more than we needed to use calories digesting food was because we discovered that protiens and carbohydrates are more easily digested when they are subjected to heat. Raw veganism is ok if you're trying really hard to lose weight, but as a substantial diet you are actually working against the progress of evolution, and against everything that make humans as advanced as we are. also, you will probably get a protein deficiency and have to be hooked up to an IV, bitch.

think of a great big orangutan. look how big their bellies are. their bellies are full of raw vegetables or raw meat. they are slow. We are quick. because the vegetables and meat we added an external digestive element to how we eat: aka cooking the food. Breaking the nutrients down beyond their harsh and cellulose infested casings. cook that shit and it's suddenly a neutron bomb of neutrition and then your body doesn't have to forage for fruits anymore, you can just sit around and say "hey, clay aiken was retarded in the last 30 rock... wtf? i just thought of this using the power of my powerful brain that works on cooked food..."

Also, most apes spend 8 hours a day chewing. We spend 30 minutes a day chewing, because we cook our food, which leaves more time for building shit. Also, the proteins in meat are what make our brains work. Fuck veganism. Steak is good for humans.

I think it depends on why a person became a vegan in the first place.
Surely you must have met a militant vegan somewhere along the line. Also, comparing vegans with black people and feminists isn't a viable analogy. Women and black people have had the short end of the stick for a long time, and there is some justification to be angry there, especially when they're young and feeling the power.

Whereas vegans are just people that ruin barbecues by being total pussies.

Another fun thing that happened to me:

When I moved to NYC to look for an apartment, the second place I looked had a vegan cook girl living there. She asked me if I ate meat, and I said yes, and in a very condescending and loathsome way said "Well I just don't think I could live with somebody like that."

She said "somebody like that." I honestly wanted to rape her.
Maybe I should have.

Yes, but that "steak and scotch" look is HOT.

Ah yes, I believe you are referring to the Dennis Leary diet. A very sexy diet, that one.