As a gay man, I can only hope that the teachers do have to teach the kids to be gay and want to have sex. Because as a gay man I'm also a pedophile.

And a sharp dresser.

I'm free!

One could make the argument that gay sex (and particularly gay lady sex) is more complicated and nuanced than the hetero variety, and that it takes a certain amount of body comfort and experience to actually make it rewarding.

In Maine, the leaders of the homosexual agenda are working on passing legislation so that schoolchildren will be given detailed instruction on the finer points of strap-ons, reacharounds, tribadism, and analingus. Additionally, they'll be throwing in bondage and fisting lessons for good measure.

These classes will be mandatory for schoolchildren of all orientations, although the children who identify themselves as "straight" will be required to gave at least three gay sex sessions, just to be sure they're actually straight and not just closeted.

Naturally, this will be a very intensive and expensive instructional course, so it will require a tax hike.

Why? Gay people are fake like the boogieman, not real like Santa. They were just made up to scare kids.

God help us.

You have to put yourself into their mindset to see their reasoning. First, imagine you're very concerned about religion, specifically what passes for fundamentalist Christianity. There's that whole "Man shall not lie with man" bit in the bible somewhere.

Next, imagine you don't want your kids thinking about sex. You don't want them having sex, can't imagine them having sex, and want them to be virgins till their wedding night. Suddenly gay marriage comes along and is big news and your kids have questions about it, and then you'd have to explain about sex. Not regular, wholesome sex in marriage for babies, but weird, unnatural sex. The kind that your precious daughter may hear about and decide to experiment with in college.

Those are pretty much the two reasons I've found anti gay marriage types have, and yes they think those are very good reasons. But even they realize the reasons sound wrong, so they dress up their arguements as saving the sanctity of marriage, etc.

I'm anti-marriage.

These videos always mystify me, as well. It's completely boggling to my tiny liberal mind to care so much about the choices of doinking partners made by people you'll never meet and wouldn't like if you did meet them, and this concern is so deeply ingrained that when you find out your kids won't doink the kind of people you theoretically (but only theoretically) wanted them to, you'll yell at them, condemn them to hell, and even disown them.

I literally don't understand it. I know it exists. It just makes no sense to me.

Gay people should have the right to get trapped into miserable, loveless marriages like the rest of us.

Yeah, I totally stole that from somewhere.

I think it was PJ O'Rourke who said something like, "First the army, now marriage--what is it with gays and society's worst institutions?

Because they mistakenly think gay= weak and useless.

Well, if you're a religious fuckwit, you might very well think that allowing gays to marry will upset God and make him so angry he will do awful things and be mad at you for letting gays marry without a big fight, thus endangering your chances of getting into heaven.

The thing I tend to hear from anti-gay-marriage folks as an 'argument' is WELL WHAT ABOUT POLYGAMY? WHAT ABOUT BESTIALITY? SHOULDN'T WE LEGALIZE THOSE TOO THEN???

It pretty much boils down to in their minds marriage = man + woman. Redefining that would make the sky cave in as much as adding a right turn to the Daytona International Speedway.

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