Well, if she is litterally a wall, you litterally have to build a palace of silver on her. Thankfully, very few women are literally walls, becasue litteral palaces of silver are really expensive.

A wall does not open - so glitz it up with silver.

A door is a whore - so board that bitch up. (IE a casket)

Am I close?

You don't interpret the Bible, silly. It's right there in plain English.

uhh what exactly do you think those passages from the song of Solomon mean? cause i cant seem to find any interpretations that are particularly convincing.

It resembles this earlier verse:
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
that you stir not up nor awaken love until it please.

Assuming you don't retcon Jesus into it (which is done frequently and is quite stomach-turning), that chapter is told from the point of view of a woman who is celebrating love and sex. The idea is that the women of Jerusalem should stay as innocent (like they were when they were young) as long as possible. And I don't think it was just for the purpose of being sexist, it's more of a "save it for when it counts and you'll enjoy it more" thing. I think.

The Bible's pretty awesome if you treat it like, say, Beowulf. That is, not inerrant, and we get to base our laws on our democracy rather than its dusty pages. I have no problem with the Bible, I have a problem with fundamentalists.

Thanks, bookmarked

My favorites contradictions are when Jesus died (some amazing "explanations" can be found on the internet for that one) and the fact that there are two different creation stories. Literally the first two stories in the Bible contradict each other.

The usual explanation is that the second story (God makes Adam from clay and Eve from a rib) is an elaboration of the sixth day mentioned in the first. But the key thing about the first story is that God does not create things "by hand" but rather by declaring them to be so. And I was taught that the second story is known to be much older.