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Comment count is 30
SixDigitDebt - 2009-11-30

Chill with the laser pointers. Also needs a "white people" tag.

Paranatural - 2009-11-30

'This is not a normal fist'. Yeah, most have not been inside your own ass while crying and saying the rosary to deny your homosexuality.

Plus: Jazzersizing.

pastorofmuppets - 2009-11-30

Reciting things is the worst part of being Catholic. I can't imagine wanting to do it outside of church.

Did he fill...an amphitheater?

Caminante Nocturno - 2009-11-30

The number of people who are in that stadium willingly is debatable.

pastorofmuppets - 2009-11-30

Sort of like my confirmation.

themilkshark - 2009-11-30

Fuck this shit.

poorwill - 2009-11-30

Now I will always think of you as pukenuts.

poorwill - 2009-11-30

That was meant to be a reply to ... well, I guess you can probably figure that out.

Dicknuts - 2009-11-30

I was raised Catholic in Topeka. I went to NCYC in St. Louis in the early 2000's.

Shortly into the trip I began to feel unwell. It hurt when I breathed. I was sharing a hotel room with three other guys and shortly after we had turned in for the night I sprang from bed and headed straight for the bathroom. I stripped naked and sat on the toilet, fighting the growing urge to vomit. When that urge finally became clear it would not be suppressed I didn't even have time to react. I was still sitting on the toilet stark naked. I threw open my legs and began to vomit between my legs, all over my penis and testicles. Revolted by this I stood up and moved to the sink.

A large group of us earlier that evening had trouble finding a place to eat. We ended up at a relatively fancy restaurant and I ordered a small pizza. Without time to fully digest this pizza was coming up in chunks, and as I filled the sink with my sick I thought that it would clog the drain, so I maneuvered to the shower. Realizing that I was clogging the shower drain I moved back to the toilet for the remainder of my heaving. The aftershocks of my retching subsiding, I surveyed the damage. The toilet, the sink, the shower, the floor and myself were covered in vomit.

I used all the available towels, rags, toilet paper, and tissues to sop it up best I could, dry heaving the whole time, stuffed it in the trash can, tied up the bag, went into the hall, threw it as far as I could down the hall, and passed out in bed. I spent the rest of the trip in the hotel room.

It was during this seclusion that another odd thing occurred. One afternoon when there was a knock at the door. I answered it, and there was this smoking hot blond MILF, who explained that she was a flight attendant and would be sleeping during the day and leaving for a flight late that night and wanted to alert her neighbors that it would be nice if noise could be kept to a minimum. I told her I was sick and wouldn't be making much noise myself. She smiled, thanked me and went back to her room. I thought to myself that this was just a bit odd, but didn't give it much though.

I'm not an adventurous man, and I don't regret many things in my life, but GOD DAMMIT.

Anyway, ended up I had Pneumonia and mono. At first I thought it was food poisoning from the pizza.

pastorofmuppets - 2009-11-30

Thank you for not ending that with the Fresh Prince theme.

Sacks5thAvenButt - 2009-11-30

ya know pastro, i was reading this to the jingle of fresh prince.

great story dicknuts

Blolf Witzer - 2009-11-30

Hey, I went to OLG in Topeka and attended NCYC in '98. It was awful.

pastorofmuppets - 2009-11-30

I did enjoy the story, btw, it was just outrageous enough that I was worried it was going to turn out to be fake.

I went on some retreats and pilgrimages and things (willingly, even)...nothing on the level of NCYC, although I did hang out with some guys who would go to those things. They had a strange intensity. By contrast, the guys in the order hosting us were all pretty laid back.

Toenails - 2009-11-30

Okay seriously, this is getting ridiculous. How many poeTV denizens are Catholic Topekans???

I went to CCD at Holy Name (Now Mater Dei) in Topeka and learned about this from a cousin that went this year.

charmlessman - 2009-12-01

I was raised Catholic in Syracuse NY. I used to go to youth retreats about 1/5 this size in Steubenville, OH. For a long time, it was the highlight of my summer.
But them I went to college and broadened my horizons and things started to change.
I went a couple times for the college age conference. The last time I was in a room with a guy from Florida. He asked me, "Do you smoke?" I said, "Not cigarettes." He said, "That's what I mean."

We went up to the top of the hill, stood underneath the 60 foot tall iron cross and got HIIIIIIIIIIGH. That was REALLY the end of my Catholicism.

pastorofmuppets - 2009-12-02

My thoughts about Christianity are also summed up by a giant metal cross. May I present Holy Land USA:

Btw, if you have visited the mall they mention you would laugh very hard at the idea that it "radiates prosperity." It sat for I think a year and a half with one of the anchor stores empty.

http://www.statemaster.com/graph/lif_num_of_sho_mal_percap-mal ls-total-number-per-capita

ponpoko - 2009-11-30

Isn't this grounds for formal excommunication?

Busby Berkeley - 2009-11-30

This might be enough to get me to join up with Mel Gibson's radical traditionalists.

spikestoyiu - 2009-11-30

This was this year.

Timeless in its ability to embarrass.

Jellyneck - 2009-11-30

This guy's website is a micro POE exhibit. Specifically, the shots of him dancing with the best buy mascot.


Oh yeah, and he registered this domain and set up a store.


frau_eva - 2009-11-30

Thank nonexistent God that I'm surrounded by Cajun Catholics. They'd look at something like this and say, "Fuck this shit" and go out and get drunk. Maybe have an illegitimate baby while they're at it.

pastorofmuppets - 2009-11-30

That's most Catholics, and especially ones that have some sort of heritage that comes from outside of America. I don't know where these broken ones come from. The Pope would probably shoot this guy with a sideways gun.

Cube - 2009-11-30

You catholics need to stop drinking cats and go to rehab.

ArgonautCock - 2009-11-30

i've always hated dane cook.

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2009-11-30

I was just going to post to make that same joke. Now you get my stars.

TeenerTot - 2009-11-30

So this is the modern catholics' "draw a fish in the sand" thingy?

James Woods - 2009-11-30

I thought nothing could be creepier than Dane Cook, but I hadn't considered Catholic Dane Cook.

Aernaroth2 - 2009-11-30

I would have thought the catholic dance would have had more moving from standing, to kneeling, to sitting, and back.

Toenails - 2009-11-30

I would 5 star this, but... you know.

StanleyPain - 2009-11-30

So close to the edge of humor yet so infinitely far. That is the final description of all Christian "comedy."


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