Growing up in a dying farm town, we had tons of these. Here's a pastiche of them:
Mine spent some time in jail for vehicular manslaughter, and now does odd jobs to supplement his disability check. He also got involved with the online skinhead community before finding Jesus and marrying a really fat lady with 3 kids from 3 different daddies, and he added a 4th to the mix. Just when it seemed like he got his life together and was working a lucrative job as an interstate trucker, he had to quit when his Dad had a stroke and he had to move back home to support him. After his wife left him and gained full custody of their kid, he strayed from the flock, and now spends most of his money on child support, PBR, and wrestling PPVs.
Mine went insane, lived under his porch, then in his tree house. Then he got a job at the mall Brookstone and lived out of his van. Now he eats Goodwill hot dogs he got from some guy named Martin, plays in a terrible band, and lives with some girl he has sex with who took him in. Also he worked for the census for a while going to door to door.
Mine finished college despite not having any support form his parents and got a good job at an engineering firm and a think he just married a Louisianian débutante.
1) Putting the cigarette in his mouth and then right back behind his ear
2) Almost bumping into someone at the very end and attempting that slick evasion technique
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