I think somebody had seven or eight peach vodka cocktails before starting the show there

Any juice + flavoured vodka + sparkling wine, amiright?

"Hey, I'm going to show you how to make a tramp buck's fizz with vodka."

Oh god the plates. This looks like something out of Lil' Jon's guide to home decorating.

The First Lady of the State Of New York, ladies and gentlemen. Sort of.

The notes read:

"To Whom It May Concern: An insane lady has me trapped in the basement and is forcing me to staple gold-painted garbage to chairs. The key is in her "dinner jacket". Please hurry, the fumes will soon overpower me. Signed, A.C."

Be advised not to accept her invitation to candlelight supper.

Even grandma will think this looks stupid.

There's a fucking chair on the table?!

Well loudly boasting about your garish, gold-edged china will prove once and for all that you have escape your white trash roots!

First impression: That's a mommy drink right there.

Second impression: Jesus fuck this is the penis-replacing monster truck car of the suburban housewife.

I've seen the blindfold appetizers. I've seen the goldfish dying slowly in centerpiece wine glasses. I've seen the moms with something to prove, and it is horrible.

Not eclectic, schizophrenic.

Never trust a skinny cook.

of course she doesn't really cook much...

A non-Euclidean mash of colors and shapes.

I'm convinced she is top tier trolling with that chair.

Why is that bottle of Vodka half empty already...

If I went to a dinner party where the hostess had decorated like that I think I'd be having a quiet word with the host to see if they were getting help.

Actually, if someone just said the word "tablescape" I'd ask if they'd sought psychiatric help.

BeeeYOUtiful.

On the bright side, if you like getting shitfaced and secretly high before decorating hotdogs, then...

The people at Hobby Lobby must LOVE this shit.

What WE are thinking of THIS is exactly what the Sans-Culottes thought of Le Petit Trianon.

I'm assuming her bed is buried in 50 decorative pillows

I expect this from Lil' John, Miss Lee. And I expect him to pull it off without all the passive aggressivism.

I made one of her rum drinks once. I like rum, and that thing had way too much rum in it.