|Rodents of Unusual Size |
This movie looks shitty as fuck but nowhere near as shitty as oh wait Jamie Foxx is in it, never mind.
Didn't we already do all this with Raimi?
I guess Sony has to keep putting them out so they don't lose the rights. This one looks more like a Sinister Six approach than Spiderman 2's (mostly) Dr. Octagon approach. It might be OK.
ugh.. I take it back, as one of the related videos is a trailer for "Need for Speed" starring the guy from Breaking Bad. I feel like movies are getting so bad and unimaginative that they should just change the "let's all go to the lobby" song to "let's all go to boxoffice and get our money back before the trailers are finished and go play outside instead." Catchy.
WHO WANTS DESSERT
Wow that's a totally unique sentiment and not something that people have been saying about every art form ever since civilization began
Spirit stars for the image in my head of a half raw/half charred rabbit on a stick, some roots, a few acorns, and a hollowed rock of dirty water dancing by grunting cheerfully before everyone looks at a cave painting.
It's been a while since I've read a Spider-Man comic, but I'm pretty sure that not every villain came from Oscorp, Osborne's kid wasn't an emo-goth, and Rhino wasn't a reject from Robocop 3.
The first first one, or the other first?
The first first one was pretty enjoyable, really. The most recent first one.. ugh.
Speed up-slow motion, oh yay
|Caminante Nocturno |
Where's my live-action version of Maximum Carnage?
No R rated movies with marvel characters now that disney owns them.
But Warner is still cool with doing a Lobo movie, right?
I'm not cool with Warner doing a Lobo movie, that's one of the few of those comic book things you kids love that I actually like.
Unless Terry Gilliam makes it.
If a Lobo movie comes out, it will undoubtedly be based on the New 52 version of Lobo which they basically turned into the DC version of Deadpool for much RANDOM LOLs, so don't worry it'll suck tons.
|Sexy Duck Cop |
Stuff like this makes you appreciate Nolan's Batman films so much more. Say what you want about growly voices and darky edgeness, but Nolan's films are pretty much the only superhero movies to acknowledge how fucking weird it is to be a normal person watching more and more costumed freaks with superpowers bouncing around your morning commute. I'm not saying summer popcorn flicks need to be sociological surveys, but goddamn, this line bugs me:
"The more people I save, the more enemies I make."
I know Spider-Man's supposed to be cocky, but dude, isn't it just a smidge weird that so far, in this movie's world, there have only been maybe 5 people with superpowers? And all of them know you? And you think they were created specifically because you're stopping muggers and getting cats out of trees?
And look: I know multibillion dollar research companies (seriously, what is Oscorp anyway? Do they just sell general Science or something?) don't play by the same rules as the rest of us, but I imagine if every two weeks a naked grandpa put on your Robot Feathers and peed on people in Central Park, someone would probably notice.
Is it any worse than "We can never be together" from the Raimi trilogy? Peter, dude, as long as you're selling Spider Man pictures, people are going to go after Mary Jane anyway. What difference does it make if you're boning or not? Come to think of it, why are you still selling pictures if it puts the people you know in way more danger than any amount of fucking since it connects Spider Man to Peter Parker? Come to think of that, why are you still selling the hottest pictures in town to the Daily Bugle for peanuts? Is there only one newspaper in New York City?
God, this looks like it could be even worse than the last one. Some of the choreography looks like it should be in the tie-in video game instead.
Sexy Duck Cop
Andrew Garfield is the worst fucking Spider-Man. He's the physical embodiment of Hollywood Nerdy: A hot male model with great hair who kind of slightly stutters sometimes and owns a laptop.
|John Holmes Motherfucker |
I like the casting in these movies. Martin Sheen was a great Uncle Ben, But these effects look like this movie isn't even supposed to be live action.
The live action parts look faker than the fake-looking CGI parts.
The only casting decision I approve of is Emma Stone, because Emma Stone.
Inception Braaaams start at 1:20
It's a good start, but this movie needs about fourteen more villains.
That preview image seriously looks like a video game screenshot.
See, I told you Spiderman 3 wasn't that bad.
So pretty much the universal criticism of Spiderman 3 that sunk it was too many villains/characters, so not only are they going with trying to introduce THREE villains, but then imply that Vulture, Doc Ock, Black Cat, and Venom are waiting in the wings just off screen and all have something to do with OsCorp, thereby negating their origins or reasons for even hating SpiderMan.
This makes Man of Steel almost look good.
I do love how, with nerds losing their shit over how Disney is handling the Avengers so well and Fox is taking X-Men in interesting directions, Marvel's bread and butter superhero is getting absolutely destroyed by Sony.
If we follow the standard Trilogy pattern of Film 1 - Good, Film 2 - Very Good, Film 3 - Awful, then this is as good as it is going to get.
Why is his HAIR SO FUCKING BIG??
Oh yeah, and emo baby goblin is dumb, etc, etc.
Again, the Goblin looks like total, utter shit.
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