|John Holmes Motherfucker |
This looks like SUCH a fukkin cringefest!
|Oscar Wildcat |
Oh lordy Boner, that last frame... yes.
Oh man, the payoff.
I don't get 50 Shades.
I don't get it because erotica has existed since oral traditions first evolved into the written word. There are thousands upon thousands of erotic books, entire libraries worth, many of them far more daring and better written and nastier and more taboo and rapey than 50 Shades, yet 50 Shades goes mainstream because somehow women everywhere have been convinced that naughty books never existed before 2011. E.L. James is seen as a pioneer via some kind of ripple effect through the space-time continuum that has erased My Secret Garden, Tropic of Cancer, Fanny Hill, Delta of Venus, Tijuana bibles, Cherry Poptart and all the collected volumes of Penthouse Forum.
I also don't get why Amazon can sell this turdwash with no restrictions whatsoever placed on it but the indie and Kindle Direct erotica authors, who can write better, sexier books not based on a Twilight fanfic, keep getting rules and regulations Amazon never actually spells out or explains changed on them or otherwise have their books hidden and yanked.
This is exactly how I would picture the movie adaptation. Five for that.
And ladies...there is better stuff out there that will get you wetter. For fuck's sake, listen to Quad on this.
It's because it's a trilogy. Trilogies are the thing these days.
I think I have a warped opinion because I watched both of these overdubbed ones before the original. But REALLY? His name is GREY and he runs a NEWSPAPER? I'm going to go read some Robert Ludlum so I can feel a little more intelligent.
|infinite zest |
I get that everyone has a type, but if I were that rich newspaper guy, I would be trying to bone the blonde secretary and not the mousy brunette.
God this IS exactly like Secretary (the movie with James Spader and hot Donnie Darko sister.)
|Billy the Poet |
So this is a romance novel for aspies? I guess it's about time.
Billy the Poet
Also, this is going to be a huge flop, right? The only reason the book was successful is that women could read it surreptitiously on their Kindles, not go en masse to see it in the theatre next to Age of Extinction.
Oh you'd be surprised. I was working at a movie theatre when Sex and the City: The Movie was announced, and I honestly thought it was a prank. A week later we got the posters and a week after that we found out we were going to host it. I was like "OK I get why women of a certain age like the show.. blah blah blah but who's going to see the movie?" In more modern times it'd be like if they announced a Mad Men movie, or just something that seems to work better as a sitcom.. in this case reading about BDSM discreetly in public sounds more intriguing than buying a ticket.
Anyway, next to My Big Fat Greek Wedding of all things, it was the longest running movie next to the Rocky Horror Picture show. People just kept seeing it again and AGAIN! AND AGAIN!
(by people I mean packs of women. In fours. Just like in the TV show. Because they're just like them! I smelled like Virginia Slims and Appletinis every night after work.)
"I smelled like Virginia Slims and Appletinis every night after work."
I wonder what the the theater smells like after THIS movie.
|Jet Bin Fever |
I do sex.
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